Short Story
kapli kapli kapli*.. The kids of the zhopadpatti ran..
In Mumbai, Kites light up the blue sky a week before Sankranti (the festival of kites).... You will get to see all kinds of kites, big, small, the ones with one tail, the ones without tails (the tail is said to stabilize the kite). Among all these kites, was the king of kites. The big red kite with looong tail. It was twice as big as normal mortal kites that we kids had. That big red kite belonged to Tarun.
It was Tarun, who had cut my newest orange kite, after which the slum kids were now running..
*means "Its been cut" in marathi
Tarun lived in a building next to mine. Tarun's kite personified Tarun. Tarun was twice as big as "normal" kids. I was in the 6th grade then and he was in the 8th, but he touched a staggering 6 feet. He had moved in from Aurangabad 3 years ago in the building next to ours.
My friends, Tanay and Sujit both in the fourth grade, two years younger to me, gave me the dope on Tarun.
Tanay told me, "Arre, Aurangabad mein sab log Undertaker jitna tall hota hai"
To this Sujit said, "kya paka raha hai bey, Undertaker world ka tallest aadmi hai"
Clearly Sujit was a Undertaker fan..
Rajesh dada, who was Sujit's elder brother later told me that Tarun had failed 8th grade 3 times, in Aurangabad. Tarun should have been in the 11th grade with him.
Tarun was a bully. And he sucked at football. But always wanted to be the centre forward. While playing he would push the defenders of the opposite team. Once he hit Tanay who was the goalkeeper of my team. I pushed Tarun back, he kicked me on the shin with his studs...I punched him in the gut.. What followed was a round of punching and kicking, mostly him punching and kicking me. We decided to keep him out of all games after that.
The orange kite was the 5th kite that Tarun had cut that Sankranti week. I kept trying to cut his kite, but that seemed next to impossible.. There was a legend that Tarun's red kite could not be cut. He had the same kite since the last 3 sankrantis. Thats 3 years! Tanay and Sujit had some gyan to share on this one too..
"He has 10 more kites of the same colour at home. He cant be using the same kite since 3 years now, can he?", Tanay said
"Arre hes good, I am telling you na.. They teach kite-flying in schools in Aurangabad", Sujit said.
"Nahi re, its the manja* that he uses. Something fishy about it ", Tanay added
"He applies coal tar on it, I have heard", said Sujit.
I believed every word they said. Infact they even tried to come up with plans to take the red kite down. Ofcourse, their plans mostly involved spaceships and aliens coming to our rescue..
Meanwhile Tarun kept on taking down my kites. I couldnt stay up for more than 5 minutes. He would close in to my kite and cut it down.
That Diwali, I visited my native in Konkan. I was there for 10 days or so. Everytime I visit the native, there is Babya to keep me company. Now Babya is atleast 10 years elder to me, but then as it happens in villages, innocence stays with you for a long time. So when I was 13, he must have been 23,but we were great friends. I asked him if he knew how to fly kites.
"Arre champion hoto me" I was a champion he said in his adulterated gavthi marathi..
"Will you teach me?"
"Kashala? Manja ne hath kapli na" Why? Manja will cut your hand.
I persisted and he like all good friends was ready to help.
For the next 10 days he taught me all the tricks that there were to learn, my favourite being the 'Dip-n-lift'. In this trick, you have to let go of the manja, let the kite dip and then all of a sudden with all your might pull the manja so that the kite rises up and cuts the string of your competitors kite.. But its a dangerous trick because if not done correctly, you might lose control and consequently your kite. But more importantly, this trick almost always cuts your finger. When I left my native that november night, I gifted him a spool of manja and two kites.
That Sankranti I climbed up the terrace with my two tailed half pink and half yellow kite.. I saw Tarun standing on the terrace of the neighbouring building flying his red kite with the long tail... I checked the direction of the wind as Babya had shown me and then started to fly the kite.. Barely five minutes later I had Tarun's red kite closing in. I tried to escape him.. I wanted to practice the dip-n-lift a couple of times before actually trying it out on Tarun. I tugged the manja towards the left, the kite rushed towards the right away from the red kite. Tarun followed the kite. Again I tugged at the string, my kite drifted towards right.. Again Tarun's kite followed me.
He got on the top of me, ready to cut my new kite... suddenly I let go.. I gave the dheel.. The kite started dipping.. Tarun seemed confused. That was enough for me.. I pulled the manja with all the strength my right hand could gather.. My pink-yellow kite soared into the sky, tearing the air apart, like a rocket does.... and then- snap! I heard it.. I swear I did!
Know when you prick a balloon? It happened to me. I could see Tanay on the terrace of the building far north dancing like there where ants in his pants.. Sujit was with him, he was doing the cartwheel.. I looked down at my feet.. There were two drops of blood.. and then the third one.. my index finger was cut and was bleeding..
I looked at Tarun standing on the adjacent terrace. He looked like he was gonna cry.. I looked at the manja in his hand.. It was slack! Then for the first time, I looked towards the sky... There was my kite!! I did it..!! I cut Tarun's kite..
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
The awards just keep on coming...
Its the season of awards.. Obviously, there are rules to every award. For eg. - you dont cry when you receive a national award for your movie, but you are allowed to, infact it is expected of you to cry when you receive a Filmfare.. Anyway, here goes..
How to do this:
a. Put the image on your blog
b. List 10 truths about yourself
c. Give the award to 5 other people
d. Provide meaningful quotation
Tilt your necks.. It says what it says.. Fucking Fabulous Blog.. Gee.. My blog is fabulous..
Now before you guys start going chee chee and start thinking of me as someone who goes on rampantly using the F word, well let me tell you that I am very very well-mannered. I dont use the F word. My aeronautical engineering mates can now stop laughing. I meant I dont use the word when I am around girls (eg: my mom and my sister). Anyway,let me list in 10 truths about myself...
1. I am ALWAYS right.. Yeah.. That is the..er..the truth.. Or atleast I think its the truth. Hmm.. truth is such a confusing word.. Umm.. let us stick to objectifiable truths... so here goes the REAL list..
1. I was a first bencher in my Junior college days (Thats 11th and 12th for you Delhi guys). I topped the class for like 8 exams in a row. I was a geek. So all you guys who look up to me (all 3 of you) for my Stud-liness, well I was pretty ordinary not too long ago!
2. My inspiration for blogging was Gaurav Sabnis. To be honest, I dont think I will last more than 3 weeks in the blog world. But I will give it a try.
3. I have never been able to dedicate myself to working out. I have started and given up a couple of times. I sometimes look at my Hrithik Roshan like well rounded arms and Akshay Kumar like flat abs and wonder if I really need to work out!
4. I have a very very rare taste in women. Only my cousin (I am the only child in my family) has been able to decode what I like in women. She can look at a girl on TV and tell if I like her. It is difficult coz very few girls catch my fancy.. I got a wide range! - Shruti Seth, Alyssa Milano, Sonali Bendre, Sonam Kapoor..
5. I only travel Business class. There are some perks you have when your dad works for a Airline co.
6. I wanted to be a doctor till my 11th grade. Then I was introduced to biology (the subject) and gave up the dream for good. I am glad I took this decision, engineering is not that bad... Only regret is that I cant have a "B.E." in front of my name like doctors have a "Dr.". Also I dont get to say something like - "I am sorry.. Humne poori koshish ki, lekin usse nahi bacha paaye". Not to mention that girls dig hot doctors, engineers are too common, aur kyun na ho, today every Tom, Dick and Patil wants to be an engineer.
7. I have a weird memory. All data involving dates, time etc is automatically corrupted as soon as it enters my brain (that explains why I didnt call u on your bday, you know who you are). On the other hand, I remember lyrics of songs from hindi movies from 90s.. For eg- The Prabhu Deva starer - Humse hai Muquabla. I can sing Urvashi Urvashi at 4 o clock in the morning. Infact I was threatened with dire consequences by my society secretary after I did that once...
8. I share my birthday with Adolf Hitler and have also met him. I met him at London Airport, back then I didnt know we shared birthdays!
And I taught him to kill the Jews... er.. okay, thts a lie...
9. I smoked my first cigarette when I was in my last year of engineering... I wanted to find out what the fuss was about. I took a couple cigarettes to be doubly sure before I decided that it sucks, literally. I tried beer once, and I think it tastes like horse piss.. I like the taste of vodka, essentially coz it got no taste. But even vodka is a waste of money. The first time I had around 180ml of it, nothing happened.. I ended up solving RAC problems all night long and topped the test the next day in college. I think I was a geek even in Engg college. Dunno exactly when I transformed into such a stud.. Hmm..
10. Dad-son, Grandfather-grandson movies make me all misty.. Yeah, only misty.. Coz I dont cry.. Men dont cry.. They hunt duck, eat raw meat, drink directly from the carton but they dont cry.
My all time favourite Dad-son, Grandfather-grandson movies are Life is Beautiful and Wide Awake..
I am done for the day.. Too much honesty there.. I assure you from hereon I will only come up with interesting dishonest stuff.. This honesty is too much to handle I tell ya!
Now for the (meaningful) quote
The more cheese is there.. The more holes are there...
The more holes are there.. The less cheese is there..
Hence, the more cheese is there.. The less cheese is there.. ;)
Speaking of awards, if & when I am nominated for the best Mumbai blogger .. Hum aapka vote maangne aaye hain!
If you think this blogger deserves to be in the list please vote. How to vote?
1.Register yourself first (I know, such a pain).
2. Log in here!
3. Vote for your favourite blog here (er..that is my blog I hope!)
The one who votes the most for me gets..well.. er.. a chance to meet me!! that too in private!(yeah baby!)
How to do this:
a. Put the image on your blog
b. List 10 truths about yourself
c. Give the award to 5 other people
d. Provide meaningful quotation
Tilt your necks.. It says what it says.. Fucking Fabulous Blog.. Gee.. My blog is fabulous..
Now before you guys start going chee chee and start thinking of me as someone who goes on rampantly using the F word, well let me tell you that I am very very well-mannered. I dont use the F word. My aeronautical engineering mates can now stop laughing. I meant I dont use the word when I am around girls (eg: my mom and my sister). Anyway,let me list in 10 truths about myself...
1. I am ALWAYS right.. Yeah.. That is the..er..the truth.. Or atleast I think its the truth. Hmm.. truth is such a confusing word.. Umm.. let us stick to objectifiable truths... so here goes the REAL list..
1. I was a first bencher in my Junior college days (Thats 11th and 12th for you Delhi guys). I topped the class for like 8 exams in a row. I was a geek. So all you guys who look up to me (all 3 of you) for my Stud-liness, well I was pretty ordinary not too long ago!
2. My inspiration for blogging was Gaurav Sabnis. To be honest, I dont think I will last more than 3 weeks in the blog world. But I will give it a try.
3. I have never been able to dedicate myself to working out. I have started and given up a couple of times. I sometimes look at my Hrithik Roshan like well rounded arms and Akshay Kumar like flat abs and wonder if I really need to work out!
4. I have a very very rare taste in women. Only my cousin (I am the only child in my family) has been able to decode what I like in women. She can look at a girl on TV and tell if I like her. It is difficult coz very few girls catch my fancy.. I got a wide range! - Shruti Seth, Alyssa Milano, Sonali Bendre, Sonam Kapoor..
5. I only travel Business class. There are some perks you have when your dad works for a Airline co.
6. I wanted to be a doctor till my 11th grade. Then I was introduced to biology (the subject) and gave up the dream for good. I am glad I took this decision, engineering is not that bad... Only regret is that I cant have a "B.E." in front of my name like doctors have a "Dr.". Also I dont get to say something like - "I am sorry.. Humne poori koshish ki, lekin usse nahi bacha paaye". Not to mention that girls dig hot doctors, engineers are too common, aur kyun na ho, today every Tom, Dick and Patil wants to be an engineer.
7. I have a weird memory. All data involving dates, time etc is automatically corrupted as soon as it enters my brain (that explains why I didnt call u on your bday, you know who you are). On the other hand, I remember lyrics of songs from hindi movies from 90s.. For eg- The Prabhu Deva starer - Humse hai Muquabla. I can sing Urvashi Urvashi at 4 o clock in the morning. Infact I was threatened with dire consequences by my society secretary after I did that once...
8. I share my birthday with Adolf Hitler and have also met him. I met him at London Airport, back then I didnt know we shared birthdays!
And I taught him to kill the Jews... er.. okay, thts a lie...
9. I smoked my first cigarette when I was in my last year of engineering... I wanted to find out what the fuss was about. I took a couple cigarettes to be doubly sure before I decided that it sucks, literally. I tried beer once, and I think it tastes like horse piss.. I like the taste of vodka, essentially coz it got no taste. But even vodka is a waste of money. The first time I had around 180ml of it, nothing happened.. I ended up solving RAC problems all night long and topped the test the next day in college. I think I was a geek even in Engg college. Dunno exactly when I transformed into such a stud.. Hmm..
10. Dad-son, Grandfather-grandson movies make me all misty.. Yeah, only misty.. Coz I dont cry.. Men dont cry.. They hunt duck, eat raw meat, drink directly from the carton but they dont cry.
My all time favourite Dad-son, Grandfather-grandson movies are Life is Beautiful and Wide Awake..
I am done for the day.. Too much honesty there.. I assure you from hereon I will only come up with interesting dishonest stuff.. This honesty is too much to handle I tell ya!
Now for the (meaningful) quote
The more cheese is there.. The more holes are there...
The more holes are there.. The less cheese is there..
Hence, the more cheese is there.. The less cheese is there.. ;)
Speaking of awards, if & when I am nominated for the best Mumbai blogger .. Hum aapka vote maangne aaye hain!
If you think this blogger deserves to be in the list please vote. How to vote?
1.Register yourself first (I know, such a pain).
2. Log in here!
3. Vote for your favourite blog here (er..that is my blog I hope!)
The one who votes the most for me gets..well.. er.. a chance to meet me!! that too in private!(yeah baby!)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
The difference is - German Engineering!
Audi
Mercedes
Siemens
BMW
Blaupunkt
Bayer
See the trend? All the above mentioned companies apart from being among the best in the business are also German...
I have always had this fascination about German Engineering, so much so that I wanted to do my Masters (yeah in engg!!) from Germany! But that was long ago, just around the time I had entered engineering.. After 4 yrs of hardcore (and theres absolutely nothing sexual about tht) engineering, I was damn to tired to get involved in Automobile Engineering in an alien country... But the point is, Germany always amazed me..
I mean, imagine, a country with a population of 8 crore, being the third strongest economy in the world.. The number of Scientists this country has produced.. The fact that someone from this country actually thought that they can win over the world if they wanted to!!.... But most importantly, the engineering brains that this country has are what finite element analysis is made up of!!
There is this joke about German enggs tht I am fond of..
The Russians send the first man in space in April '61...
JFK, the US president at time was really miffed at this. He called his chief engineer and asked him, - "How in the world did the Russians get their man in space before we did!"
To this the chief engg replied - "I am sorry sir, but their German engineers are better than ours!!"
Hahahaha... wait till I tell this to my boss...
Talking bout my boss, hes the Head of Tech transfer BAE Systems Deutschland, so effectively hes the one who's responsible for the entire assembly line. Now he is one of the representatives of his country for me.. So when I talk about Germans, a lot of my observations will be based on him... Ofcourse there are other Germans who come here in really good suits and really bad English.. Sometimes when they don't know a word, I suspect they throw in the the German equivalent.. Every other of their sentences starts with "nicht" or some word sounds like that... The shrug accompanied by-"I dont know!" is native to all Germans ... And may I add, apart from the guys who are a part of management, the others have a terrible sense of fashion!! I mean, Paris is just a stones throw away ppl!!
*One of the things I have noticed bout these guys is that they are extremely polite.. And these guys are supposed to be gas-chamber-suffocating types!!
*They don't change jobs that often! The guy whom I am talking about has been working in the company from like ages!! He worked for Audi for a few years before moving to this company though...
*They are extremely patriotic .. They have a simple policy- everything German is quality! Everything German is good.. German cars, German electronics, German beer, German cellphones to even German Pharmaceuticals!! It took us a lot of cajoling to make them allow the usage of Indian spares in the assembly line...
*One more thing I admire about them is their dedication towards work.. So someone who works 36 hours a week (yeah! try believing that!!) back in Germany, does 48 hour weeks (Like the rest of us) here!
*Somehow quality inspection takes 3 hrs when our German boss does it.. Somehow 25 yrs of service for a Turbine Designer isn't good enough for him..
*Somehow he can run around the assembly line (hereon referred as AL) all day when there is a crisis (Hes 52!).. A bolt not fitting in? Crisis... Too much copper/iron dust on the shopfloor? Crisis..! Nut not tightened correctly?..You guessed it right! Crisis!!!
There are times when something gets messed up real bad and I look at him and he seems to say to himself - Why the f*** am I here!.... No, not angry, just despair..
Sometimes ..well, things don't get messed up and he seems to say to himself.. "Man! They did it, didn't they!"
There is this middle aged colleague whos really cool, and always positive, he has 10 years of work ex and we (the young ones) look up to him. Lets call him GS sir.
All the guys in my dept. have been to Germany.. Sir has been there more than a couple of times..But he does not contribute much to the conversation, its only the new foreign-returns who do the talking... And most of them are starry eyed about the buildings, transport, the facilities, the engineering, the cars, the Auto-Bahn the people... They talk about the places they have seen and the Mercedes and BMWs they travelled in... And how fast their trains are.. and how when a train is late by 3 mins its considered a breach of quality ...& How a crater on the road is a national crisis .. " All the young ones (like me) gather around them, listening to their stories and wondering why we cant have smooth roads and trains that are on time...
"Apne yahan sab chalta hai re", they say...Somehow "chalta hai" is our ideology. "We are like this only!!" Garib desh ki yehi problem hai...
Garib desh?
The young ones look at each other feeling bad, feeling helpless.. Garib desh?
Sir says nothing.. He just looks outside the window.. and keeps looking there...
Comeon say something...someone..anyone.. Comeon sir, say something to get our young, inexperienced spirits up!
"Aaayega", sir said....
"Aaayega... Apna bhi time aayega.. Abhi toh humne sirf shuruvat kiy hai....Kuch din theherjaao... Yeh Garib desh, ek din sab ko dikha dega...Apna bhi time aayega..."
Apna bhi time aayega.. Yeah..
Mercedes
Siemens
BMW
Blaupunkt
Bayer
See the trend? All the above mentioned companies apart from being among the best in the business are also German...
I have always had this fascination about German Engineering, so much so that I wanted to do my Masters (yeah in engg!!) from Germany! But that was long ago, just around the time I had entered engineering.. After 4 yrs of hardcore (and theres absolutely nothing sexual about tht) engineering, I was damn to tired to get involved in Automobile Engineering in an alien country... But the point is, Germany always amazed me..
I mean, imagine, a country with a population of 8 crore, being the third strongest economy in the world.. The number of Scientists this country has produced.. The fact that someone from this country actually thought that they can win over the world if they wanted to!!.... But most importantly, the engineering brains that this country has are what finite element analysis is made up of!!
There is this joke about German enggs tht I am fond of..
The Russians send the first man in space in April '61...
JFK, the US president at time was really miffed at this. He called his chief engineer and asked him, - "How in the world did the Russians get their man in space before we did!"
To this the chief engg replied - "I am sorry sir, but their German engineers are better than ours!!"
Hahahaha... wait till I tell this to my boss...
Talking bout my boss, hes the Head of Tech transfer BAE Systems Deutschland, so effectively hes the one who's responsible for the entire assembly line. Now he is one of the representatives of his country for me.. So when I talk about Germans, a lot of my observations will be based on him... Ofcourse there are other Germans who come here in really good suits and really bad English.. Sometimes when they don't know a word, I suspect they throw in the the German equivalent.. Every other of their sentences starts with "nicht" or some word sounds like that... The shrug accompanied by-"I dont know!" is native to all Germans ... And may I add, apart from the guys who are a part of management, the others have a terrible sense of fashion!! I mean, Paris is just a stones throw away ppl!!
*One of the things I have noticed bout these guys is that they are extremely polite.. And these guys are supposed to be gas-chamber-suffocating types!!
*They don't change jobs that often! The guy whom I am talking about has been working in the company from like ages!! He worked for Audi for a few years before moving to this company though...
*They are extremely patriotic .. They have a simple policy- everything German is quality! Everything German is good.. German cars, German electronics, German beer, German cellphones to even German Pharmaceuticals!! It took us a lot of cajoling to make them allow the usage of Indian spares in the assembly line...
*One more thing I admire about them is their dedication towards work.. So someone who works 36 hours a week (yeah! try believing that!!) back in Germany, does 48 hour weeks (Like the rest of us) here!
*Somehow quality inspection takes 3 hrs when our German boss does it.. Somehow 25 yrs of service for a Turbine Designer isn't good enough for him..
*Somehow he can run around the assembly line (hereon referred as AL) all day when there is a crisis (Hes 52!).. A bolt not fitting in? Crisis... Too much copper/iron dust on the shopfloor? Crisis..! Nut not tightened correctly?..You guessed it right! Crisis!!!
There are times when something gets messed up real bad and I look at him and he seems to say to himself - Why the f*** am I here!.... No, not angry, just despair..
Sometimes ..well, things don't get messed up and he seems to say to himself.. "Man! They did it, didn't they!"
There is this middle aged colleague whos really cool, and always positive, he has 10 years of work ex and we (the young ones) look up to him. Lets call him GS sir.
All the guys in my dept. have been to Germany.. Sir has been there more than a couple of times..But he does not contribute much to the conversation, its only the new foreign-returns who do the talking... And most of them are starry eyed about the buildings, transport, the facilities, the engineering, the cars, the Auto-Bahn the people... They talk about the places they have seen and the Mercedes and BMWs they travelled in... And how fast their trains are.. and how when a train is late by 3 mins its considered a breach of quality ...& How a crater on the road is a national crisis .. " All the young ones (like me) gather around them, listening to their stories and wondering why we cant have smooth roads and trains that are on time...
"Apne yahan sab chalta hai re", they say...Somehow "chalta hai" is our ideology. "We are like this only!!" Garib desh ki yehi problem hai...
Garib desh?
The young ones look at each other feeling bad, feeling helpless.. Garib desh?
Sir says nothing.. He just looks outside the window.. and keeps looking there...
Comeon say something...someone..anyone.. Comeon sir, say something to get our young, inexperienced spirits up!
"Aaayega", sir said....
"Aaayega... Apna bhi time aayega.. Abhi toh humne sirf shuruvat kiy hai....Kuch din theherjaao... Yeh Garib desh, ek din sab ko dikha dega...Apna bhi time aayega..."
Apna bhi time aayega.. Yeah..
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Of growing up, getting married and saaleeee....
The tough thing bout growing up is that the feeling comes rushing.. It gives you no time to react... Like when one of your male friends is off to get married.
Its different from your female friends getting married, with them you can always reason with yourself that in certain communities girls get married early and girls usually get married off before guys and maybe its not yet time to growup for you.. But once your guy friends start getting married you know you are growing up!
One of my closest friends is getting engaged in a few days, and I cant help feeling that we are growing up, big time..
I remember our engineering days.. He came across as studious to me, but in due course I realised that he never studies, hes just plain gifted..
He is the brand ambassador for gujjus in mumbai.. He actually picks up clothes from Fashion street.. And all the tacky ones - Tee shirts in colour of red orange and yellow!
His quick wit is legend.. and so is his tiffin.. All those wafers, theplas, samosas his mom used to pack in for him..yumm.. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Aunty.. The reason why ur son isnt round and fat is coz I used to eat half of his tiffin! burp!
He had half the kitchen packed in his tiffin box. He even brought spoons, knives and forks to eat with.. And he always brought something for dessert.. The dessert, unfortunately, was never shared..
Great times those were.. I remember how we broke rules in our own inconspicuous way.. How "saale" was our preferred nomenclature for each other inspite of the choicest Indian gaalis that Engineering offers.. How the assignments were submitted always late and how we had decided what all days to bunk college to (the days no practicals were scheduled!).. How we attended very few lectures but enuf to not be black listed. How we worked hard for that disticntion aggeregate, which came late but came with a bang.. How we played multiplayer Explode arena on our bluetooth cellfones during the lecture and how we still crib about who owes how much money to whom!
I still find it difficult to believe that this guy is actually getting engaged!
Heres the chat we had a few days ago..
Now he has announced his engagement to very few guys, mostly close friends and family, so I have changed a few details bout him in the post.. Maybe after he officially announces it, we can have a more colourful post.. ;)
Lets call him MunnaBhai (To protect his identity baba!) and lets call me er.. Chaitanya (I cant hide my identity on my blog now, can i?!)
Chaitanya: Kaisa hai saale?
(Note that I start off with the "word" )
MunnaBhai: Thik hoon..Aur bol, kya chalu hai?
(Note that he doesnt ask me how am i doing... he was never a fan of the obvious..)
C: Kya bolu bey.. chalu hai..
MB: Abbe, I wanted to tell you this - I am committed..
C: oh..I see.. but committed to wht? to ur studies? college?
MB: Saleee.. commited to a girl na!
(Note the triple "eee" at the end.. this is used for greater poetic effect)
C: Kya baat kar raha hai? If this is a joke, I will kick u in the butt and a lot of other places..
MB: Abee seriously!
C: Kya? how? when?
MB: Arre 3 weeks ago..
C: Aur tu mujhe ab bata raha hai?
MB: abbe yaar..It still hasnt sinked in yet..
C: And y dont u have a committed sign on your orkut profile?
MB: Wohi toh.. It still hasnt sinked in..
C: Obviously na.. who thought a girl, that too an alive one could like you!
MB: Saaleee..
C: So when did you do this?
MB: I asked her 2 months ago.. She said "yes" 3 weeks ago..
C: Hmm.. Cant blame her, other girls would have taken a lot more time to say yes to you! and who knows if they would say yes in the first place! :P
MB: Saaleee...
C: Shes a gujju too?
MB: Yeah.. my caste..
C: She hot?
MB: Saaleee...
C: Tere mein itna guts kab se aya saale.. proposed and all!
MB: Dunno re.. just aa gaya..
C: What does she do..?
MB: Arre our jodi is like your parents..
(Note the word "jodi".. Typical of him)
C: Huh? As far as I know none of them are gujju!
MB: Abbe, I mean shes a doctor too..
C: Wow!! You got yourself a doc!! Man I am impressed..
Btw, Is she hot?
MB: Saaleee... Shes gonna be your bhabhi..
C: Not untill the next few years..! Atleast 1-2 saal bad shaadi karega na..
MB: Haan re.. once i settle down, job and stuff..
C: Man.. I am really happy for you mate..
MB: Chup bey...You sound like a girl..
C: Do I? hmm.. but cant help it mate.. who could have thought a guy with your intelligence would end up with a doctor..!
MB: saaleee...
There was a lotta truth in that last line.. No, not the intelligence part.. He is very intelligent and has a super memory.. He can byheart 14 pages of a VB program, without actually knowing the head and tail of VB (Visual basic, baba). But in the 4 years that I have known him, I never thought hes the kind who can fall in love with someone, and more astonishingly ask her to spend the rest of her life with him.. I really thought Aunty will have to do it for him..
Hehehe.. I just imagined Aunty say that to a girl - "Jinal beta, tamme maro dikro ne saath apne bakine life spend karu cho?" (Man my gujju sucks!) bwahahahaha... tht IS funny!
C: So, you are ready to spend the rest of your life with her..?
MB: yes.. Thats why i asked her..
C: You are in love?
MB: I think so..
C: How do you knw?
MB: Saaleee, tu toh Karan Johar type questions pooch raha hai..!!! Close your eyes and if you see her face, then you are in love with her! heh heh ..
C: hhehehehehehe.. Kya paka raha hai saaleee..
MB: I dont know re, you feel like wanting to be with each other and talk, u knw..
C: Just talk?
MB: Saalee.. Gutter brain...
C: Abbe nahi re, I was asking if thats enough to know that you are in love..
MB: Arre you want to be with each other all the time.. I call her whenever I get time and so does she!
C: Wow! Its been a month since you called me..
MB: Well, I would if you would spend the rest of your life with me... :P
C: Yeah.. dream on! hehehehe...
MB: heh heh..lol..
C: So thats all you wanna do? Talk and stuff...
MB: Yeah! We talk a lot.. mera last month ka bill 1300 aya..
C: Saale gujju.. Baniya jaisi baat mat kar..
MB: heh heh.. I was just giving you an estimate..
C: Hmm.. Can I look her up on orkut?
MB: Saale.. dont even dare do that..
C: Is she hot?
MB: saaleee...
C: Man! You already sound like you are her husband..
MB: Hehe.. I do.. I know.. I guess I like her too much then..
C: Hmm.. She must be a nice girl.. And you know what, I will be her fav among all your friends..
MB: I am sure you will be..
C: Hmm..
MB: Hmm..
C: chal then..Its 2 am... I should get going..
MB: Yeah.. bye
C: Just one last thing..
MB: Yeah?
A: Is she hot?
MB: Saaleeeeeeeeee...
Its different from your female friends getting married, with them you can always reason with yourself that in certain communities girls get married early and girls usually get married off before guys and maybe its not yet time to growup for you.. But once your guy friends start getting married you know you are growing up!
One of my closest friends is getting engaged in a few days, and I cant help feeling that we are growing up, big time..
I remember our engineering days.. He came across as studious to me, but in due course I realised that he never studies, hes just plain gifted..
He is the brand ambassador for gujjus in mumbai.. He actually picks up clothes from Fashion street.. And all the tacky ones - Tee shirts in colour of red orange and yellow!
His quick wit is legend.. and so is his tiffin.. All those wafers, theplas, samosas his mom used to pack in for him..yumm.. I would like to take this opportunity to thank Aunty.. The reason why ur son isnt round and fat is coz I used to eat half of his tiffin! burp!
He had half the kitchen packed in his tiffin box. He even brought spoons, knives and forks to eat with.. And he always brought something for dessert.. The dessert, unfortunately, was never shared..
Great times those were.. I remember how we broke rules in our own inconspicuous way.. How "saale" was our preferred nomenclature for each other inspite of the choicest Indian gaalis that Engineering offers.. How the assignments were submitted always late and how we had decided what all days to bunk college to (the days no practicals were scheduled!).. How we attended very few lectures but enuf to not be black listed. How we worked hard for that disticntion aggeregate, which came late but came with a bang.. How we played multiplayer Explode arena on our bluetooth cellfones during the lecture and how we still crib about who owes how much money to whom!
I still find it difficult to believe that this guy is actually getting engaged!
Heres the chat we had a few days ago..
Now he has announced his engagement to very few guys, mostly close friends and family, so I have changed a few details bout him in the post.. Maybe after he officially announces it, we can have a more colourful post.. ;)
Lets call him MunnaBhai (To protect his identity baba!) and lets call me er.. Chaitanya (I cant hide my identity on my blog now, can i?!)
Chaitanya: Kaisa hai saale?
(Note that I start off with the "word" )
MunnaBhai: Thik hoon..Aur bol, kya chalu hai?
(Note that he doesnt ask me how am i doing... he was never a fan of the obvious..)
C: Kya bolu bey.. chalu hai..
MB: Abbe, I wanted to tell you this - I am committed..
C: oh..I see.. but committed to wht? to ur studies? college?
MB: Saleee.. commited to a girl na!
(Note the triple "eee" at the end.. this is used for greater poetic effect)
C: Kya baat kar raha hai? If this is a joke, I will kick u in the butt and a lot of other places..
MB: Abee seriously!
C: Kya? how? when?
MB: Arre 3 weeks ago..
C: Aur tu mujhe ab bata raha hai?
MB: abbe yaar..It still hasnt sinked in yet..
C: And y dont u have a committed sign on your orkut profile?
MB: Wohi toh.. It still hasnt sinked in..
C: Obviously na.. who thought a girl, that too an alive one could like you!
MB: Saaleee..
C: So when did you do this?
MB: I asked her 2 months ago.. She said "yes" 3 weeks ago..
C: Hmm.. Cant blame her, other girls would have taken a lot more time to say yes to you! and who knows if they would say yes in the first place! :P
MB: Saaleee...
C: Shes a gujju too?
MB: Yeah.. my caste..
C: She hot?
MB: Saaleee...
C: Tere mein itna guts kab se aya saale.. proposed and all!
MB: Dunno re.. just aa gaya..
C: What does she do..?
MB: Arre our jodi is like your parents..
(Note the word "jodi".. Typical of him)
C: Huh? As far as I know none of them are gujju!
MB: Abbe, I mean shes a doctor too..
C: Wow!! You got yourself a doc!! Man I am impressed..
Btw, Is she hot?
MB: Saaleee... Shes gonna be your bhabhi..
C: Not untill the next few years..! Atleast 1-2 saal bad shaadi karega na..
MB: Haan re.. once i settle down, job and stuff..
C: Man.. I am really happy for you mate..
MB: Chup bey...You sound like a girl..
C: Do I? hmm.. but cant help it mate.. who could have thought a guy with your intelligence would end up with a doctor..!
MB: saaleee...
There was a lotta truth in that last line.. No, not the intelligence part.. He is very intelligent and has a super memory.. He can byheart 14 pages of a VB program, without actually knowing the head and tail of VB (Visual basic, baba). But in the 4 years that I have known him, I never thought hes the kind who can fall in love with someone, and more astonishingly ask her to spend the rest of her life with him.. I really thought Aunty will have to do it for him..
Hehehe.. I just imagined Aunty say that to a girl - "Jinal beta, tamme maro dikro ne saath apne bakine life spend karu cho?" (Man my gujju sucks!) bwahahahaha... tht IS funny!
C: So, you are ready to spend the rest of your life with her..?
MB: yes.. Thats why i asked her..
C: You are in love?
MB: I think so..
C: How do you knw?
MB: Saaleee, tu toh Karan Johar type questions pooch raha hai..!!! Close your eyes and if you see her face, then you are in love with her! heh heh ..
C: hhehehehehehe.. Kya paka raha hai saaleee..
MB: I dont know re, you feel like wanting to be with each other and talk, u knw..
C: Just talk?
MB: Saalee.. Gutter brain...
C: Abbe nahi re, I was asking if thats enough to know that you are in love..
MB: Arre you want to be with each other all the time.. I call her whenever I get time and so does she!
C: Wow! Its been a month since you called me..
MB: Well, I would if you would spend the rest of your life with me... :P
C: Yeah.. dream on! hehehehe...
MB: heh heh..lol..
C: So thats all you wanna do? Talk and stuff...
MB: Yeah! We talk a lot.. mera last month ka bill 1300 aya..
C: Saale gujju.. Baniya jaisi baat mat kar..
MB: heh heh.. I was just giving you an estimate..
C: Hmm.. Can I look her up on orkut?
MB: Saale.. dont even dare do that..
C: Is she hot?
MB: saaleee...
C: Man! You already sound like you are her husband..
MB: Hehe.. I do.. I know.. I guess I like her too much then..
C: Hmm.. She must be a nice girl.. And you know what, I will be her fav among all your friends..
MB: I am sure you will be..
C: Hmm..
MB: Hmm..
C: chal then..Its 2 am... I should get going..
MB: Yeah.. bye
C: Just one last thing..
MB: Yeah?
A: Is she hot?
MB: Saaleeeeeeeeee...
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Dhobi Ghats on alert…Indian Railways to offer package deal
If you want to get your clothes washed & dried while you are wearing them and if you are one of those lucky personalities who travel the lengths and breadths of mumbai (mumbaay as it popularly pronounced mostly by those who don’t get or don’t need to travel in trains!) ………
okay……. so i was on that ki how you can ‘wash & dry’……
its actually simple than one might think.
1) Just get in any train from suburbs like Dombivli, Thane, Borivli etc. going ‘up’ towards CST or Churchgate between 8.00am and 9.00am.(The timing is to be followed strictly to get best results)
2) Don’t go finding any seat because this not just another day’s journey towards your workplaces, its the ‘wash & dry’ outing. [if you sit then the washing machine may not be able to work to its best ability as not entire area of your clothing will be exposed to the 'washing system' of ''suburb special fully automatic EMU ('electro motive unit') washing machine''. ]
3) Now get in local train and stand in the main passage with all your determination and the belief that at the end of it you will be entirely different person! {i.e. with emu wash & dried clothes}.
4) Now entirely out of proportion number of wishful commuters with the same objective as yours will get poured in , carrying with them their luggage and baggage.
But don’t you hesitate because these thing are setting up the washing cycle.
5) Now the motorman will set the program for washing cycle to either prg 1 = multistage slow washing (slow train) or the prg2= few step quick wash (fast train) [note :its highly recommended for short distance commuters to go for prg1 since the get more whirlpools and wriggling movements due to 'population dynamics' when emu stops at all stations ].
For long dist commuters the prg2 will do because the lesser number of whirlpools and wriggling movements are compensated by the jerks and synchronized movements they go through during the emu passes from long distance of fast patch.
6) And finally now its the drying time.
Now the washing cycle bifurkates as most of the wishful commuter get down the dadar(w) and dadar central stations and they get the liberty of carrying out the ‘drying’ in the free open air.
Those who are left in emu have two options for drying; 1st:they have they whole blast of air coming in from emu washing machine door or then the automatic drying fans which are placed on the upper wall of emu machine compartment. The 20 minutes drying is good enough to complete the ‘washing & drying’ cycle as you get ready to get down at your work station (karma bhumi).
…………Not everybody needs to be the model who worked in the ad of ”livin” jeans to get their clothes washed this way!
N.B.- If unfortunately you are living in areas like dadar then don’t expect the quality results as mentioned in company booklet. Central Mumbaikars can go down side and then again travel ‘up‘ to get one cycle [Bandra to Dadar] in the fully automatic ‘emu’ washing machine.
okay……. so i was on that ki how you can ‘wash & dry’……
its actually simple than one might think.
1) Just get in any train from suburbs like Dombivli, Thane, Borivli etc. going ‘up’ towards CST or Churchgate between 8.00am and 9.00am.(The timing is to be followed strictly to get best results)
2) Don’t go finding any seat because this not just another day’s journey towards your workplaces, its the ‘wash & dry’ outing. [if you sit then the washing machine may not be able to work to its best ability as not entire area of your clothing will be exposed to the 'washing system' of ''suburb special fully automatic EMU ('electro motive unit') washing machine''. ]
3) Now get in local train and stand in the main passage with all your determination and the belief that at the end of it you will be entirely different person! {i.e. with emu wash & dried clothes}.
4) Now entirely out of proportion number of wishful commuters with the same objective as yours will get poured in , carrying with them their luggage and baggage.
But don’t you hesitate because these thing are setting up the washing cycle.
5) Now the motorman will set the program for washing cycle to either prg 1 = multistage slow washing (slow train) or the prg2= few step quick wash (fast train) [note :its highly recommended for short distance commuters to go for prg1 since the get more whirlpools and wriggling movements due to 'population dynamics' when emu stops at all stations ].
For long dist commuters the prg2 will do because the lesser number of whirlpools and wriggling movements are compensated by the jerks and synchronized movements they go through during the emu passes from long distance of fast patch.
6) And finally now its the drying time.
Now the washing cycle bifurkates as most of the wishful commuter get down the dadar(w) and dadar central stations and they get the liberty of carrying out the ‘drying’ in the free open air.
Those who are left in emu have two options for drying; 1st:they have they whole blast of air coming in from emu washing machine door or then the automatic drying fans which are placed on the upper wall of emu machine compartment. The 20 minutes drying is good enough to complete the ‘washing & drying’ cycle as you get ready to get down at your work station (karma bhumi).
…………Not everybody needs to be the model who worked in the ad of ”livin” jeans to get their clothes washed this way!
N.B.- If unfortunately you are living in areas like dadar then don’t expect the quality results as mentioned in company booklet. Central Mumbaikars can go down side and then again travel ‘up‘ to get one cycle [Bandra to Dadar] in the fully automatic ‘emu’ washing machine.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Shaandar Hair Cutting Salon!
The name says it all! Its situated among one of the many boulevards that Thane boasts of.. This street near my place is full of such shops which some small time traders have set up. There are kutchis, Shettys, Guptas and Yadavs among others who have made this street what it is today.. Among all these shops is Shaandar Hair cutting salon
I have been going there since I can remember.. My dad used to take me there.. I always hated my long locks being cut.. I dunno why, but it felt bad...very bad...like... like someone died.. Maybe it was coz of the tajis* you get the next day at school, or maybe its coz your teacher wanted you to cut your hair short and threatened to tie you a pony tail if you didnt.. Somehow not doing what the grownups want you to do always seemed cool to me (i still find it cool!) By tht logic, cutting your hair was so UNcool..
tajis*- the ritual(?) tht involves slapping the back of the head of the guy whos got a fresh cut. Kids usually stop tht once they get into the 5th grade..Well, most kids do..
So the point is tht my dad used to take me to Shaandar Hair cutting salon every 5-6th Sunday.. I had to come up with like really silly excuses for not having my locks cut and my dad had to come up with like really silly anecdotes to get my dark long locks cut- "You look like a monkey with your falling on your face like tht" (Little did he know tht a few years down the line someone with the very same credentials will rock Bollywood.. yeah SRK! )
I have no idea why we went to Shandaar.. Maybe coz it was nearest from home about 5 mins walk and we still took our car..Yeah lazy we were!
So we would get into Mr.Yadav's (tht was his name if I rem correctly) salon. Mr.Yadav is this big paan chewing guy who has the mother of all beer bellies... His teeth were stained but tht didnt seem to embarass him coz he laughed heartily at any silly thing tht his "boys" said in their Bihari accent..
Shaandar cutting was a small place, you walked 6-7 steps inside and you would hit the wall & I am talking first grader steps. Once inside, it felt like a really cool place to be in with the blue coloured plastered walls, mirrors on the walls, hindi magzines like "Sulekha" or something, radio playing songs from the 60s.. Now I, like any other self respecting rap loving, eminem worshiping fan didnt like those songs, but there is something about tht place, you wanna sing along Rajesh Khanna when he goes "mere sapno ki rani kab aayigi tu..chalii aaaa tuu chaliii aaaa..."
Tht place had a weird smell.. The smell of henna, V-John shaving cream, pan parag (or whtever tht is tht he used to chew), Raj ratan red coloured hair oil, pan parag (did i mention tht already?). And thn all these smells amalgamated together to give your olfactory lobe a high of a lifetime..
Mr. Yadav's modus operandi was simple.. Get the scissors and get snapping.. "Sab Barik kar dena" ("Cut it all short"), was all my dad had to say.. and Yadav uncle would dutifully cut my hair short, real short.. But thankfully my hair grew at a rapid pace and there I was again after 6 sundays!
Then I got into the 8th grade, the grade when suddenly your appearence becomes important coz of tht girl you been eyeing and she probably likes you for your cool locks.. You cut your hair and all tht remains of you is, well, uncool.. And they call us "shallow"!
I started going to Shaandar solo, I noticed he had taken dad's "Sab Barik kar dena" very seriously.. It was time I made a few modifications to this statement..
"Uncle, Kaan ke upar ke barik kar dena, baki lamba rakhna" (Cut the hair around the ears short, and dont touch the others..)
He didnt seem to like this new "kaan ke upar..." thingy. I got this feeling that he loved the "Sab barik kar dena" thing.. That maybe coz he got more freedom to snap his scissors tht way..
"Arre garmi ke din hai, barik karva lo" (Its summer time, u better get a short crop), Yadav uncle used to say mid-January!!!
He kept cuttin my hair the way he wanted, which was real short, and I didnt like it too much... I just kept waiting for a better salon to come up near my place.
I stopped going to Shandaar once I got into engg. Another place had come up near my house. This place had an AC, and it didnt smell, it had english mags, it had lesser mirrors... And yes, no pan parag. The guy who worked there was all cool and stuff with highlights in his hair and used to speak broken english. V-John cream was replaced by Gillette foam gel, Hair gel had taken the place of Raj-Ratan oil, cable TV instead of the radio... In one word, this place was COOL..
The other day, the place where I go usually, was closed and I needed a haircut, so I decided to go to Shaandar..
The place still smelt weird. And yes, there was paan parag around.
Mr.Yadav wrapped a white cloth around my collar
"Kaisa hai?", Mr. Yadav asked.
The mother of all beer bellies had become even bigger, like when you felt there can be no one bigger than "undertaker" and then "Khali" walks in.. The teeth were stainier than ever.. He looked old, half the hair had gone grey, he looked weary too. The condition of the salon wasnt too good either, it looked like a whitewash would help.. Sumhow I got the feeling tht business wasnt too good..
I was taken back by Mr.Yadav's "Kaisa hai?". For two reasons- First, he still remembered me! Its been 3 years since I have been here.. Second, he asked "Kaisa hai?" insted of "Kaise hain?" (which imparts more respect). But this guy knew me since I was 3 feet above the ground, so I guess it was ok..
"Theek hoon.."
"Aaj kal aate nahi aap"
I realised he shifted to a more respectful form of addressing. Sumhow I didnt like it very much. I have been used to being called "tu" by this guy and then all of a sudden he shifts to "aap". It makes you realise tht on the outside you are a grown man to the world.
"er..er.. Bahar rehta hoon aajkal"
How could I come up with a lie tht unconvincing..
"Sahab (refering to my dad) aate hain kabhi-kabhi "
"hmm.."
"Aap bhi aaya karo.."
"hmm..aaonga.."
"Ab toh dadhi banvane bhi aa sakte ho!!! HA HA HA HA"
Stained teeth still didnt embarass him
"hmm..aaonga.."
"Kaisa katun baal? Kaan ke upar ke barik kar deneka, baki lamba rakhne ka na?"
He still remembered how I wanted my hair!!
"Nahi uncle, Sab barik kar do....."
I still remembered how he wanted my hair!!
I have been going there since I can remember.. My dad used to take me there.. I always hated my long locks being cut.. I dunno why, but it felt bad...very bad...like... like someone died.. Maybe it was coz of the tajis* you get the next day at school, or maybe its coz your teacher wanted you to cut your hair short and threatened to tie you a pony tail if you didnt.. Somehow not doing what the grownups want you to do always seemed cool to me (i still find it cool!) By tht logic, cutting your hair was so UNcool..
tajis*- the ritual(?) tht involves slapping the back of the head of the guy whos got a fresh cut. Kids usually stop tht once they get into the 5th grade..Well, most kids do..
So the point is tht my dad used to take me to Shaandar Hair cutting salon every 5-6th Sunday.. I had to come up with like really silly excuses for not having my locks cut and my dad had to come up with like really silly anecdotes to get my dark long locks cut- "You look like a monkey with your falling on your face like tht" (Little did he know tht a few years down the line someone with the very same credentials will rock Bollywood.. yeah SRK! )
I have no idea why we went to Shandaar.. Maybe coz it was nearest from home about 5 mins walk and we still took our car..Yeah lazy we were!
So we would get into Mr.Yadav's (tht was his name if I rem correctly) salon. Mr.Yadav is this big paan chewing guy who has the mother of all beer bellies... His teeth were stained but tht didnt seem to embarass him coz he laughed heartily at any silly thing tht his "boys" said in their Bihari accent..
Shaandar cutting was a small place, you walked 6-7 steps inside and you would hit the wall & I am talking first grader steps. Once inside, it felt like a really cool place to be in with the blue coloured plastered walls, mirrors on the walls, hindi magzines like "Sulekha" or something, radio playing songs from the 60s.. Now I, like any other self respecting rap loving, eminem worshiping fan didnt like those songs, but there is something about tht place, you wanna sing along Rajesh Khanna when he goes "mere sapno ki rani kab aayigi tu..chalii aaaa tuu chaliii aaaa..."
Tht place had a weird smell.. The smell of henna, V-John shaving cream, pan parag (or whtever tht is tht he used to chew), Raj ratan red coloured hair oil, pan parag (did i mention tht already?). And thn all these smells amalgamated together to give your olfactory lobe a high of a lifetime..
Mr. Yadav's modus operandi was simple.. Get the scissors and get snapping.. "Sab Barik kar dena" ("Cut it all short"), was all my dad had to say.. and Yadav uncle would dutifully cut my hair short, real short.. But thankfully my hair grew at a rapid pace and there I was again after 6 sundays!
Then I got into the 8th grade, the grade when suddenly your appearence becomes important coz of tht girl you been eyeing and she probably likes you for your cool locks.. You cut your hair and all tht remains of you is, well, uncool.. And they call us "shallow"!
I started going to Shaandar solo, I noticed he had taken dad's "Sab Barik kar dena" very seriously.. It was time I made a few modifications to this statement..
"Uncle, Kaan ke upar ke barik kar dena, baki lamba rakhna" (Cut the hair around the ears short, and dont touch the others..)
He didnt seem to like this new "kaan ke upar..." thingy. I got this feeling that he loved the "Sab barik kar dena" thing.. That maybe coz he got more freedom to snap his scissors tht way..
"Arre garmi ke din hai, barik karva lo" (Its summer time, u better get a short crop), Yadav uncle used to say mid-January!!!
He kept cuttin my hair the way he wanted, which was real short, and I didnt like it too much... I just kept waiting for a better salon to come up near my place.
I stopped going to Shandaar once I got into engg. Another place had come up near my house. This place had an AC, and it didnt smell, it had english mags, it had lesser mirrors... And yes, no pan parag. The guy who worked there was all cool and stuff with highlights in his hair and used to speak broken english. V-John cream was replaced by Gillette foam gel, Hair gel had taken the place of Raj-Ratan oil, cable TV instead of the radio... In one word, this place was COOL..
The other day, the place where I go usually, was closed and I needed a haircut, so I decided to go to Shaandar..
The place still smelt weird. And yes, there was paan parag around.
Mr.Yadav wrapped a white cloth around my collar
"Kaisa hai?", Mr. Yadav asked.
The mother of all beer bellies had become even bigger, like when you felt there can be no one bigger than "undertaker" and then "Khali" walks in.. The teeth were stainier than ever.. He looked old, half the hair had gone grey, he looked weary too. The condition of the salon wasnt too good either, it looked like a whitewash would help.. Sumhow I got the feeling tht business wasnt too good..
I was taken back by Mr.Yadav's "Kaisa hai?". For two reasons- First, he still remembered me! Its been 3 years since I have been here.. Second, he asked "Kaisa hai?" insted of "Kaise hain?" (which imparts more respect). But this guy knew me since I was 3 feet above the ground, so I guess it was ok..
"Theek hoon.."
"Aaj kal aate nahi aap"
I realised he shifted to a more respectful form of addressing. Sumhow I didnt like it very much. I have been used to being called "tu" by this guy and then all of a sudden he shifts to "aap". It makes you realise tht on the outside you are a grown man to the world.
"er..er.. Bahar rehta hoon aajkal"
How could I come up with a lie tht unconvincing..
"Sahab (refering to my dad) aate hain kabhi-kabhi "
"hmm.."
"Aap bhi aaya karo.."
"hmm..aaonga.."
"Ab toh dadhi banvane bhi aa sakte ho!!! HA HA HA HA"
Stained teeth still didnt embarass him
"hmm..aaonga.."
"Kaisa katun baal? Kaan ke upar ke barik kar deneka, baki lamba rakhne ka na?"
He still remembered how I wanted my hair!!
"Nahi uncle, Sab barik kar do....."
I still remembered how he wanted my hair!!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
You know you are from Mumbai when....
You know you are from Mumbai when.....
1. Stock market quotes are the only other thing besides cricket which you follow passionately.
2. You take fashion seriously.
3. You spend more time travelling than you send at home.
4. 9:47 fast, means something to you.
5. You think tht delhi copied INDIA GATE frm mumbai's GATEWAY OF INDIA...
6. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
7. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
8. Amitabh Bachans house is a landmark
9. When there's no place to breathe in the trains but there's place to play cards and sing bhajans!
10. You refer to the city as Mumbai and not Bombay .
11. You say that Pani Puri is waayy better than Gol Gappa's even when they're the same thing
12. Every three months you look at your street and say "Why're the digging the road again?"
13. You actually pay for your rickshaws by the meter.
14. You know what the term "video coach" stands for in the local trains...
15. "Gheun Tak" is your life ideology.
16. You aren't surprised when somebody throws a water balloon at you while you're walking on the streets during March.
17. You can only smile forgivingly about the size of any other city in the world.
18. Every time you speak Hindi in front of a Delhitite they have the WTF expression on their face.
19. When while giving directions you say "Right MARO aur wahan pe ek bridge GIREGA"
20. You have hung on to dear life at the local door.
21. When you think everyone who lives to the south (Mumbai) of you is a snooty and to the north of you sucks
22. When u c movie names like "Shootout at Lokhandwala" & 'Ek chalis ki last local" & don't have to ask what the name means
23. You consider the local train "empty" when you find a spot for your two feet to stand on.
24. When "chalta hai" is the most commonly used word
25. Everything to the north of Mumbai is UP-Bihar and everything below is Madras
26. If someone calls u "aap"-- u start laughing on their faces...
27. When you call the BEST bus, BST, even though BEST is painted on every single public transport bus operational in Bombay... err.. Mumbai
28. It takes longer to get off from your house to the station than from one end of Mumbai to another by train.
29. Being truly alone makes you nervous.
30. Crorepati, Lakhpati, Hazarpati, Chillarpati all travel in local Trains daily-together!.
31. You have learnt how to stand in a queue
32. U treat mumbai as a country itself
33. When you actually see random people coming to help you when u have a problem
34. U want to get into the train already that is already in motion & u have 5 hands taking u in..
35. You are back to work next day after the city is bombed - Truly the spirit of Mumbai
36. When you allow complete strangers to spend the night in your house because its raining outside and half the city is submerged...
1. Stock market quotes are the only other thing besides cricket which you follow passionately.
2. You take fashion seriously.
3. You spend more time travelling than you send at home.
4. 9:47 fast, means something to you.
5. You think tht delhi copied INDIA GATE frm mumbai's GATEWAY OF INDIA...
6. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
7. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
8. Amitabh Bachans house is a landmark
9. When there's no place to breathe in the trains but there's place to play cards and sing bhajans!
10. You refer to the city as Mumbai and not Bombay .
11. You say that Pani Puri is waayy better than Gol Gappa's even when they're the same thing
12. Every three months you look at your street and say "Why're the digging the road again?"
13. You actually pay for your rickshaws by the meter.
14. You know what the term "video coach" stands for in the local trains...
15. "Gheun Tak" is your life ideology.
16. You aren't surprised when somebody throws a water balloon at you while you're walking on the streets during March.
17. You can only smile forgivingly about the size of any other city in the world.
18. Every time you speak Hindi in front of a Delhitite they have the WTF expression on their face.
19. When while giving directions you say "Right MARO aur wahan pe ek bridge GIREGA"
20. You have hung on to dear life at the local door.
21. When you think everyone who lives to the south (Mumbai) of you is a snooty and to the north of you sucks
22. When u c movie names like "Shootout at Lokhandwala" & 'Ek chalis ki last local" & don't have to ask what the name means
23. You consider the local train "empty" when you find a spot for your two feet to stand on.
24. When "chalta hai" is the most commonly used word
25. Everything to the north of Mumbai is UP-Bihar and everything below is Madras
26. If someone calls u "aap"-- u start laughing on their faces...
27. When you call the BEST bus, BST, even though BEST is painted on every single public transport bus operational in Bombay... err.. Mumbai
28. It takes longer to get off from your house to the station than from one end of Mumbai to another by train.
29. Being truly alone makes you nervous.
30. Crorepati, Lakhpati, Hazarpati, Chillarpati all travel in local Trains daily-together!.
31. You have learnt how to stand in a queue
32. U treat mumbai as a country itself
33. When you actually see random people coming to help you when u have a problem
34. U want to get into the train already that is already in motion & u have 5 hands taking u in..
35. You are back to work next day after the city is bombed - Truly the spirit of Mumbai
36. When you allow complete strangers to spend the night in your house because its raining outside and half the city is submerged...
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