Short story back in the 9th grade, asking a girl out for a movie was a big deal.. Since the advent of puberty, your voice had already started to crack.. It cracked even more when you had to ask that cute girl out for a movie.. Now this is 1999 I am talking about.. It wasnt easy to get the girl u like to go out with you then,..... to be honest, its still difficult..
So you knew this cute girl, long hair, lovely eyes you could lose yourself in, got dimples everytime she smiled.. So if you wanted to ask her out for a movie, the conversation with her would go something like this -
"umm.. did you watch that movie - Dil Se?
"Note that SRK was her favourite actor, so it made sense to mention his movie, even though you thought the movie was a dud and you better spend the evening watching Undertaker wrestle Bam-bam-Bigalo..
"not yet"
"oh.. would you.. I mean.. like to" (the voice cracks up here) "I mean.. watch it with me..er.. this Sunday.. "
She suddenly realises that hes asking her out.. she turns on her girlie radar, which essentially means shes gonna act full bhavkhao..
"umm.. I dont know.. My dad wont allow..you know.. alone.."
They should put them in jail for that..
You wanna ask, how can we be alone if we are together.. But you dont..
"Oh.. but we are not going alone..Your friends are coming too"
An obvious lie.. But good thinking nevertheless..
"Who all?"
Think of names.. names..
"Suchitra, and Rajesh.. and Prajakta and..."
You name 5-6 names that you know are her friends..
"thats good, I think I can ask my dad then.."
Whoopieee...
What follows next is trying to convince the 6 friends of her (whose names you mentioned) to come with you.. You lure them with free popcorn (kamine kahin ke) and they finally agree.
Then comes the booking of tickets.. Note that this was the time when there was no online booking.. So you had to stand in a long queue to get the advance booking.. You manage to get 8 tickets.. You take great care to ensure that two out of them are corner seats..
"Uncle corner seats diya na?"
"Haan yaar.."
You hear him telling the next in line -
"Aaj-kal bacche bhi corner seat maangte hain" hehehe..
Finally Sunday arrives.. You get up early (which you usually dont), take a bath (which you usually do), apply half a bottle of perfume and reach the theatre..
She comes on time, but with her Dad in tow. Her dad drives his Maruti 800 (we had only Maruti and Fiat back then) in through the theatre parking and almost runs you down.. Now these dads are the villainous types.. The problem is they had been teenagers once and know exactly what dirty things go on in the scum brain of the testosterone driven monster who asked his daughter out..
Her dad steps out of the door of the car and slams it.. These dad types work as managers in a MNC usually, and wear a tie to work, but when it comes to meeting his daughters male friend, he wears the unshaven look and lungi..
"Pappa, hes my friend, Abhi"
You look at pretty her, then look at her Dad.. And you wonder, how could someone like him make something this beautiful..
"Halla"
"Hello sir.."
Women enjoy this.. They want you to meet their dads.. Its their way of saying - "See, this man is my favourite person in the world, and if you can stand up to him, only then you have a chance with me.. "
They should put them in jail for that..
You enter the hall, you make sure that you get the corner seats for yourself..You buy enough popcorn for her friends to be occupied... The lights dim.. Vicco Vajradanti ad plays.. The movie starts.. SRK starts jumping on a train.. Chal Chaiyaan Chaiyaan.. You are least interested in the song or in the movie for that matter.. You are interested in the cute girl sitting next to you.. You want to hold her hand.. no, not hold, just touch initially..
Clouds of nervousness loom over you, your palms become sweaty.. you wipe them on the thigh your jeans.. then all of a sudden, in a moment of gutsy drive, you touch her hand..
She pulls it back, almost like a reflex, then looks at you with wide eyes and a smile playing on her lips.. like shes amused, and she didnt expect you to do something like that.. Even in that dark hall, her eyes twinkle..
They should put them in jail for that..
The movie ends, you saw the movie only in bits and pieces, still it will be one of the best remembered movies of your life.. You start walking out of the dimly lit hall into the dimly lit parking.. When all her friends have left, she stands on her toes to reach your ear and whispers "thank you".. It will be ages before you understand the meaning...
Its 2009 and a lotta things have changed.. There are no single theatres now, Maruti has stopped manufacturing 800, popcorn is costlier than what was the ticket those days, even SRK sometimes comes up with meaningful cinema, but one thing hasnt changed, its still damn difficult to ask her out..
"Wanna..er.. watch a movie on Sunday?"
"Lemme see if I am free"
There she goes again..
"Oh comeon"
"hehe.. okay, which one?"
"How does it matter? hahaha
"It takes her a full two minutes to understand the joke behind that one...
She lands 4-5 playful punches, out of which two hurt..
Anyway, the movie starts.. Now that you are 24, you think it must get easier for you.. But it doesnt!..
You still get all nervous, your palms become sweaty.. It is still needs a lotta planning to put your arm across her shoulder.. You touch her hand.. this time she doesnt pull it away.. But she still gives that amused-mischievous look...Like after all these years she still doesnt expect you to hold her hand..
They should put them in jail for that...
The movie ends and the credits start rolling. You leave the hall with her.. You two walk through the huge driveway, sparsely crowded at this time of the night.. She walks closer to you than she normally does.. She holds your hand.. Theres something amazing bout that touch.. It seems to say that she trusts you and has complete faith in you... And it says that she knows you will keep her happy..
Her touch makes you feel strong.. responsible.. pure.. loved.. all at the same time.. as she walks close to you, holding your arm, she rests her head on your shoulder.. And you have the world..
"Thank you"... is all you can whisper in her ear.. She looks at you... smiles.. her eyes swell up with love... a drop finds its way to her cheek..
They should put them in jail for that...
Friday, May 1, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Girls!! Will I ever understand them!
I know everything except what women want!
-Anon
I am never gonna understand Women..er..Girls. Its girls till I get 32 or get married (whichever comes last!)
Now mankind (I mean the manly kind) has never been able to understand the womankind(is tht a word?). The other day I had coffee with one my sweetest female friends. The topic shifted to girls which is probably the only interesting topic we cud talk bout.
Me being a aero engg. have lost complete touch with the womankind. The girls in Engg werent my type so never really pursued any... The girls tht usually make it in engg are the tomboyish types while I like more of the girlie types and no, girlie doesnt necessarily mean those girls who spend hours in front of the mirror... My interpretition of girlie girls is tht they are simple, smart and shy...
Now dont judge me! (Btw, googling - simple, smart and shy shows 1,900,000 results. One question - Where the heck are they!?@#)
Back to the topic - So we were talkin bout why mech engineers suck at making female friends and it turns out tht its coz we dont understand girls...
Heres the conversation:-
Me: So u saying I dont understand girls?
She: Well dumbo, I feel u dont get it! You dont call ur girls, dont send them flowers...u dont even remember their Bdays!!!
Me: Oye? Girls expect me to call everyday?
She: Yes, donko! 10 times a day!
Me: But wudnt I be disturbing her if I call her 10 times a day?
She: Nope...We love it!
Me: U crazy!
She: (giggles) No, u crazy!
I dont get it!! I get disturbed even when my Mom calls me when I am in my office. Plus how am I supposed to express my feelings? ...We men! We hunt! We fight! We drink directly from the carton! We DONT express our feelings...Asking us to express our feelings is like asking Shoaib Akhtar to bowl leg-spin!
One wonders, if God made hormones (Ignoring wht Charles Darwin preaches) why didnt he put in the same ones in both guys and girls? I guess thts coz he knew opposites attract.
Maybe opposites do attract. So does tht make me - complicated, foolish and bold!?
Er..I dont think so...
Theres another twist...
I always thought these qualities tht I find attractive were necessarily physical (no, not sexual...physical..Theres a difference!!)
But in the last few weeks I have found tht its not all physical...
There is this girl, who was a yr junior to me in my school. She was a mixture of all the said qualities and more...She was all sweet and giggly and schoolgirlish... And obviously I did like her...But at 15, u dont try and analyze why u like sumone...
Now shes settled outside the country, and we chat almost everyday. Chattin is the next best thing to talkin... You can get to know a lot bout the person, how he/she would react to a situation, her wit, sense of humour etc. etc. And man, isnt she amazing!
The point here is , its been ages since we met in 3-D, but I still like her. There is a fair chance tht my brain still interprets her as a giggly girl who wore braces as a kid and maybe it(my brain) is surprised at the amount of maturity and wit she has... Maybe thts one of the reasons I like her so much...
So u see? My brain can solve calculus and mechanics but it is as lost as Schumacher in Mumbai traffic when it comes to feelings...
Its like tht movie - I,Robot in which the robot saves Will Smith and not the little girl coz it calculates tht Will has a 42% chance of survival and the girl has only a 12% chance. It lets her die.
12% wasnt less...
Only if we were hardwired better
Me: Ok, So you mean, I shud send her flowers and choclates? Tht sounds so High-Schoolish. Actually it is outright foolish!
She: Be as practical as u want with the outside world... But with a girl u gotta be foolish...
Me: Foolish?!
She: Yes donko!
Me: U crazy
She:(giggles) No, u crazy!
-Anon
I am never gonna understand Women..er..Girls. Its girls till I get 32 or get married (whichever comes last!)
Now mankind (I mean the manly kind) has never been able to understand the womankind(is tht a word?). The other day I had coffee with one my sweetest female friends. The topic shifted to girls which is probably the only interesting topic we cud talk bout.
Me being a aero engg. have lost complete touch with the womankind. The girls in Engg werent my type so never really pursued any... The girls tht usually make it in engg are the tomboyish types while I like more of the girlie types and no, girlie doesnt necessarily mean those girls who spend hours in front of the mirror... My interpretition of girlie girls is tht they are simple, smart and shy...
Now dont judge me! (Btw, googling - simple, smart and shy shows 1,900,000 results. One question - Where the heck are they!?@#)
Back to the topic - So we were talkin bout why mech engineers suck at making female friends and it turns out tht its coz we dont understand girls...
Heres the conversation:-
Me: So u saying I dont understand girls?
She: Well dumbo, I feel u dont get it! You dont call ur girls, dont send them flowers...u dont even remember their Bdays!!!
Me: Oye? Girls expect me to call everyday?
She: Yes, donko! 10 times a day!
Me: But wudnt I be disturbing her if I call her 10 times a day?
She: Nope...We love it!
Me: U crazy!
She: (giggles) No, u crazy!
I dont get it!! I get disturbed even when my Mom calls me when I am in my office. Plus how am I supposed to express my feelings? ...We men! We hunt! We fight! We drink directly from the carton! We DONT express our feelings...Asking us to express our feelings is like asking Shoaib Akhtar to bowl leg-spin!
One wonders, if God made hormones (Ignoring wht Charles Darwin preaches) why didnt he put in the same ones in both guys and girls? I guess thts coz he knew opposites attract.
Maybe opposites do attract. So does tht make me - complicated, foolish and bold!?
Er..I dont think so...
Theres another twist...
I always thought these qualities tht I find attractive were necessarily physical (no, not sexual...physical..Theres a difference!!)
But in the last few weeks I have found tht its not all physical...
There is this girl, who was a yr junior to me in my school. She was a mixture of all the said qualities and more...She was all sweet and giggly and schoolgirlish... And obviously I did like her...But at 15, u dont try and analyze why u like sumone...
Now shes settled outside the country, and we chat almost everyday. Chattin is the next best thing to talkin... You can get to know a lot bout the person, how he/she would react to a situation, her wit, sense of humour etc. etc. And man, isnt she amazing!
The point here is , its been ages since we met in 3-D, but I still like her. There is a fair chance tht my brain still interprets her as a giggly girl who wore braces as a kid and maybe it(my brain) is surprised at the amount of maturity and wit she has... Maybe thts one of the reasons I like her so much...
So u see? My brain can solve calculus and mechanics but it is as lost as Schumacher in Mumbai traffic when it comes to feelings...
Its like tht movie - I,Robot in which the robot saves Will Smith and not the little girl coz it calculates tht Will has a 42% chance of survival and the girl has only a 12% chance. It lets her die.
12% wasnt less...
Only if we were hardwired better
Me: Ok, So you mean, I shud send her flowers and choclates? Tht sounds so High-Schoolish. Actually it is outright foolish!
She: Be as practical as u want with the outside world... But with a girl u gotta be foolish...
Me: Foolish?!
She: Yes donko!
Me: U crazy
She:(giggles) No, u crazy!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Biological Clockitis
Biological clockitis is a dangerous condition which affects men around the age 25. It can strike anywhere between 22 years and 29 years.The first case reported can be traced back to stone age. Stoneman Hakunuma, who was 18 and still unmarried, was suffering from severe biological clockitis. Most of his friends had married by 14 (this is the stoneage we are talking about) and were proud fathers of 3 kids on an average. Everytime Hakunuma looked at their pretty daughters wearing frocks made of deer skin and earrings made of sea shells, he was struck by Biological clockitis. I am struck by Biological clockitis. My biological clock is ticking, or so it seems. I see kids everywhere. In my colony, in malls, railway stations, everywhere.. There are times when I wonder where did they all come from all of a sudden.. I keep looking at cute girls in frilly pink frocks and pink hairbands.. Sometimes, rarely that is, I do manage to charm a few of them and get to pinch their cheeks or unruffle their hair, but thats about it.. Most of the times I just keep looking at them. You so want a kid, dont u? Well, no ones looking, lets take this one..freaks her out totally..
Symptoms:
You look at cute kids even when you are with friends.. Even when they are discussing topics as interesting as Sehwag's receding hairline and its remedies, you cant stop looking at the cute 5 year old kid who just went past you. You have this unexplainable urge to lift her up and plant a peck on her cheek.You spend more time looking at cute kids than looking at the pretty one you are with. (Detrimental to your plans of actually having a kid, I tell you) I dont wanna have a daughter. I want a son. Well before you spell male chauvinist pig, let me explain why..You see, having a daughter is really tough. Things are alright till they are 12 and usually use adjectives like ewww and yuck for boys, things cant be better, trust me. But then, they turn 13, yeah, this is one more reason the number 13 is dreaded the world over, hormones kick in and suddenly she starts finding boys interesting, she starts associating the words - cute, cool and butt with boys. Butt... hmm.. tht reminds me, if internet is still the "in" thing in the year 2025, and if you are the guy whos presently dating my daughter (reading this post), whispering sweet nothings in my daughter's ears, well trust me, I ll kick your butt so hard, that you ll smell shoe leather for weeks.. (Hmm.. that should reduce his testosterone levels for now) Okay! So let me get this straight - u like these cute girls with ponies and pink clips, but you dont want a daughter? Correct.. I dont wanna have a daughter. I like these girls coz they are not my daughters. They are someone elses' daughter. I like someone elses' daughter, for example, well, lets say- You.. You are someone elses' daughter, and i like u.. Here he goes again..Speaking of pink clips, why dont you get one? will look cute...
Causes:
Increased estrogen levels.. Simple! I have increased estrogen levels and that is why I am suffering from Biological Clockitis. Now dont you dare call me girlie, or call stoneman Hakunuma girlie for that matter. We are/were (since Hakunuma is no more) nice strong men with a phenomenal desire for Scarlett Johanson (yeah baby). We have decent facial hair growth, though not as much as Anil Kapoor does. We drink directly out of the carton unless our mothers/sisters are present around, coz they dont "allow" us to.
Recommended Diet-
Looking at pictures of Arnold, Sunny Deol and watching non-sensical movies like Jo bole so nihal is recommended. Keep away from girls aged 3 to 7, infact use this oppurtunity to concentrate your energies on girls aged 21 to 23.. Dont charm a girl aged 3 to 7 to shake hands with you, never accept a peck on the cheek from pretty girls with pretty pink frocks, and under no circumstances, I repeat, under no circumstances, should you let them sit on your lap. If you do, you will reach the last stage of Biological Clockitis and before you know it, you will be applying for Santa's post in Malls..
Treatment:
Well, there is no treatment really. The only treatment is to get your own kid.. And that is a long procedure.. Though stealing is an option.. :P. So I suggest you wait till your parents start seeing you as a potential grandchildren manufacturer and get you hitched.. or work on the recommended diet to lower your estrogen levels. Let me try and influence you now- with sons, u get them to teach them swing bowling and kick-boxing. You get to discuss about world issues and Pamela Anderson.. You get to play games on PS2 and beat them, you get to beat them at chess and beat them at cricket and monopoly, see? just talking bout it makes me feel better.. Darn, sounds more like I want a playmate than a son.. :P. Now, just to be fair, lets also look at the pros of having a daughter. They are pretty, provided they dont get my looks. They hug you when you come back from office, they tell you how much they missed you and stuff when you come back home from a long business trip. You can make sit on your lap and tell her stories bout princes, glass slippers and pumpkins. Also, its always okay to kiss a daughter, no matter what age she is, which is not so in case of a son, unless you are Italian, ofcourse. Fathers want their boys to behave like men as soon as they stop pooping in their pants, but their daughters always remain their little girls - thats where the phrase "Daddy's little girl" comes from. Ever heard "Daddy's little boy"? Sounds supergay if you ask me.The cons are too many.. I spent all my time and genes to help her become what she is, and then some guy comes along and takes her away.. I no longer get to run the show.. No longer am I her #1. Some guy who she met yesterday sweeps her off her feet and gets to keep her all her life. The father, has to live without her. I have seen fathers cry when their girls leave them, to spend the rest of her life with the man shes in love with, to lose her surname and to take up his. They say girls grow up fast. Thats so not true. Girls grow up only as fast as boys, its only that fathers dont want their daughters to grow up.. They always want them to be their small girls... I have seen fathers cry. I cant be them. I dont wanna be one of them.
Symptoms:
You look at cute kids even when you are with friends.. Even when they are discussing topics as interesting as Sehwag's receding hairline and its remedies, you cant stop looking at the cute 5 year old kid who just went past you. You have this unexplainable urge to lift her up and plant a peck on her cheek.You spend more time looking at cute kids than looking at the pretty one you are with. (Detrimental to your plans of actually having a kid, I tell you) I dont wanna have a daughter. I want a son. Well before you spell male chauvinist pig, let me explain why..You see, having a daughter is really tough. Things are alright till they are 12 and usually use adjectives like ewww and yuck for boys, things cant be better, trust me. But then, they turn 13, yeah, this is one more reason the number 13 is dreaded the world over, hormones kick in and suddenly she starts finding boys interesting, she starts associating the words - cute, cool and butt with boys. Butt... hmm.. tht reminds me, if internet is still the "in" thing in the year 2025, and if you are the guy whos presently dating my daughter (reading this post), whispering sweet nothings in my daughter's ears, well trust me, I ll kick your butt so hard, that you ll smell shoe leather for weeks.. (Hmm.. that should reduce his testosterone levels for now) Okay! So let me get this straight - u like these cute girls with ponies and pink clips, but you dont want a daughter? Correct.. I dont wanna have a daughter. I like these girls coz they are not my daughters. They are someone elses' daughter. I like someone elses' daughter, for example, well, lets say- You.. You are someone elses' daughter, and i like u.. Here he goes again..Speaking of pink clips, why dont you get one? will look cute...
Causes:
Increased estrogen levels.. Simple! I have increased estrogen levels and that is why I am suffering from Biological Clockitis. Now dont you dare call me girlie, or call stoneman Hakunuma girlie for that matter. We are/were (since Hakunuma is no more) nice strong men with a phenomenal desire for Scarlett Johanson (yeah baby). We have decent facial hair growth, though not as much as Anil Kapoor does. We drink directly out of the carton unless our mothers/sisters are present around, coz they dont "allow" us to.
Recommended Diet-
Looking at pictures of Arnold, Sunny Deol and watching non-sensical movies like Jo bole so nihal is recommended. Keep away from girls aged 3 to 7, infact use this oppurtunity to concentrate your energies on girls aged 21 to 23.. Dont charm a girl aged 3 to 7 to shake hands with you, never accept a peck on the cheek from pretty girls with pretty pink frocks, and under no circumstances, I repeat, under no circumstances, should you let them sit on your lap. If you do, you will reach the last stage of Biological Clockitis and before you know it, you will be applying for Santa's post in Malls..
Treatment:
Well, there is no treatment really. The only treatment is to get your own kid.. And that is a long procedure.. Though stealing is an option.. :P. So I suggest you wait till your parents start seeing you as a potential grandchildren manufacturer and get you hitched.. or work on the recommended diet to lower your estrogen levels. Let me try and influence you now- with sons, u get them to teach them swing bowling and kick-boxing. You get to discuss about world issues and Pamela Anderson.. You get to play games on PS2 and beat them, you get to beat them at chess and beat them at cricket and monopoly, see? just talking bout it makes me feel better.. Darn, sounds more like I want a playmate than a son.. :P. Now, just to be fair, lets also look at the pros of having a daughter. They are pretty, provided they dont get my looks. They hug you when you come back from office, they tell you how much they missed you and stuff when you come back home from a long business trip. You can make sit on your lap and tell her stories bout princes, glass slippers and pumpkins. Also, its always okay to kiss a daughter, no matter what age she is, which is not so in case of a son, unless you are Italian, ofcourse. Fathers want their boys to behave like men as soon as they stop pooping in their pants, but their daughters always remain their little girls - thats where the phrase "Daddy's little girl" comes from. Ever heard "Daddy's little boy"? Sounds supergay if you ask me.The cons are too many.. I spent all my time and genes to help her become what she is, and then some guy comes along and takes her away.. I no longer get to run the show.. No longer am I her #1. Some guy who she met yesterday sweeps her off her feet and gets to keep her all her life. The father, has to live without her. I have seen fathers cry when their girls leave them, to spend the rest of her life with the man shes in love with, to lose her surname and to take up his. They say girls grow up fast. Thats so not true. Girls grow up only as fast as boys, its only that fathers dont want their daughters to grow up.. They always want them to be their small girls... I have seen fathers cry. I cant be them. I dont wanna be one of them.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Top 10 movies (2000-2008)
Its here!!!!
The BIG DADDY of all polls.. from Aaj tak to IBN 7, this poll beats them all.. er.. kuch jyada toh nahi ho gaya?
But seriously.. after entering the data for your favourite movies, finding the average and then ranking them, I have come up with the TOP 10 hindi movies of this Millennium..
The people who participated in the poll range come from differnt walks of life.. from catwalk to rampwalk, from slumdog to millionaire, from Hrithik Roshan to Harman Baweja..er.. I hope you get the point.
The people who voted for their favourite movies includes Engineers, Phds, dentist, a few MBA blokes, and a few other essesntially jobless people like me (yeah, I have voted too!)
The Methodology (Transparency mangta hai!)
Before we start the listing, lemme tell you how I did it! (no rocket science this!) I took in all your entries and gave them points according to their Ranks.. For eg -
1. XXX (no, not tht kinda movie, this is just an eg)
2. YYY
.
.
10. ZZZ
I gave 1 point to the movie ZZZ, YYY got 9 points, while XXX got 10 points... In the end all the points were added and divided by the number of entries to get the average score.. (Did I bore you guys? Well, I got 98.37 in CAT, wht did u expect? :P) Obviously the max score by any movie will not be more than 10 (considering the same movie tops every list)
So here goes the list.. In countdown fashion...
#10
Rock On!
Year of Release: 2008
Points scored: 2.17
Rock on!!!! Hai yeh waqt ka ishaaara... I havent seen this movie, but the very fact that it has managed to notch the #10 spot just on the dum-khum of its theatre performances alone(I dont think it has been released in a big way on TV) says a lot about the calibre of this movie..
I was pestered a lot by my female friends to watch this movie, but then I argued that it was fun for them to watch a bunch of topless guys jump into the lake and stuff.. All us guys were left with was Prachi Desai (who is she anyway?). But still, its commendable that Rock On has is on the list, even though movies like Jaane Tu.. havent even found a place on the Top 15..
Rock on! Farhan Akhtar makes an appearance on this countdown, definitely not for the last time...
#9
Black
Year of Release: 2005
Points scored: 2.35
Beating Rock On by a very small margin is the artsy movie - B-L-A-C-K.. Power packed performances by Amitabh Bacchan and Rani Mukherjee made this movie appear on the #9 spot.. Sanjay Leela Bhansali went one step ahead of his Khamoshi (Salman khan, Manisha Koirala) stunt and made the female lead- blind, deaf and mute.. It gave enough scope to Rani to showcase her talent..
Back in 1998 when KKHH was released, if anyone said that the girl in the short yellow skirt will do a role like that, I would have thrown my caramel popcorn(what? guys cant like caramel?) at his Goddamn face...
All in all, good movie, and gives a chance to AB to make an appearance..
#8
Hera Pheri
Year of Release: 2000
Points scored: 2.47
Know whats a classic? This is!! Hera Pheri is to school going kids today what Andaz Apna Apna was for our generation.. (Shit that makes me sound old! )
Hera Pheri is truly a classic.. You can watch it again and again and again.. never gets old.. It was a breakthrough movie for all the actors.. Paresh Rawal wouldnt be charging more than what Bobby Deol charges for two movies had it not been for his Baburao Ganpatrao Apte role.. "Uthalele re baba.. aare mujhe nahi, enn dono ko!" he haw haw.. rotfl
It made Akshay Kumar what he is today.. Had it not been for this movie he still wud have been doing his "Churake dil teraaa.. goriya chali..." routine.. after the song there wud be a fight where akki wud show his Bankok-trained-martial-arts-kicks.. After that a rone dhone wala scene then again a song.. and so on and so forth..
This movie made Suniel Shetty what he is today..er.. to be honest, hes the only one who hasnt benefited much from this movie.. but for his acting skills hes still God damn famous..
All in all, for me, one of Indias funniest movies..
#7
Lagaan
Year of Release: 2001
Points scored: 2.76
It hurts.. It hurts to see a movie of such calibre come up so low down the order..
It hurt when it didnt win the Oscars.. If Slumdog millionaire (more on it later) wins an Oscar for best movie, I will sue the firangi judges.. If Slumdog wins an Oscar for best music for Rahman, I say he should get atleast 5 more Oscars for his past work..
Bhuvans team beat the Firangs in an impossible match, but the firangis took revenge and beat them at the end.. (I am mad at them.. that is why I make no sense).
Aamir Khan, Rehman, Ashutosh Gowariker.. all of them make the first appearance on the countdown..
Lagaan... Goosebumps! Whatta movie..!
#6
Swades
Year of Release: 2004
Points scored: 3.06
Surprise! Surprise! And a pleasant one! It was Ashutosh's very next movie after Lagaan and all of us had high hopes.. I guess we were expecting a cricket match at the end of this one too.. Girls didnt wanna see SRK looking like a geek.. Thats the problem with the actor.. Hes always SRK.. that has never been Aamir's problem.. When hes Bhuvan, hes Bhuvan.. But with SRK thrs always that persona that makes him SRK - the star.. that cant be too good for an actor, never is!
Swades is by far the weakest box office performer on this top 10, but the fact that people like it this much to place it on #6 speaks volumes bout this movie..
Btw, there is this scene in the movie where SRK is travelling in the train back to Kaveri umma's place, the train halts at a station.. A kid with a really heavy pot of water is pacing up and down the platform.. Hes selling water at 50 paise per glass, SRK being the NRI drinks bottled water.. but for that kid he makes and exception.. That is pretty much the scene where he becomes truly Indian.. I started respecting Srk the actor after that..
#5
Jab we met
Year of Release: 2007
Points scored: 3.17
Are you kidding me? Comeon now? This is a good movie, but at #5? really?
There is this thing actors have.. When they are involved off screen, the chemistry dies on-screen.. thats what happened with Shahid-Kareena all this while..
Once they broke up, they gave us Jab we met! Its a cute movie, really is, but #5, really?
Chalo aacha hua, issi bahane Shahid and Kareena made an appearance on the Top 10..
#4
Rang De Basanti
Year of Release: 2006
Points scored: 3.35
Ting Ting Tinga Ting.. basanti... Rahman again! Aamir again! Very different from the movies you normally get to see.. I still dont know what I feel for this movie.. I mean I dunno if I support what the movie protrays or not.. But one thingI know for sure, it captured the imagination of the youth...
I distinctly remember to-be doctors took to the streets when reservations were introduced for medicine seats.. I remember how they took the blows the police dealt them.. And when those photos came out in the papers next day, one could see the bravery that these 20 something doctors showed for their rights.. RDB in that sense is a classic..
#3
Chak De India
Year of Release: 2007
Points scored: 4.29
The BIG 3... The reason why I call the top 3 - BIG, is coz of the difference in the scores. Look at #4 and #3.. The difference in the scores is almost 1 point.. That shows these 3 movies are a class apart.. They are on the list of almost everyone who polled..
Chak De! Very similar to the Hollywood movie miracle.. But it had a surreal feel to it.. Among India's best underdog movies.. It made celebrities of the 11 girls who played the roles of hockey players.. SRK with all his newly built muscle-chusle played the coach who was once the captain of the Indian Hockey team..
It had everything to keep us interested..
#2
Taare Zameen Par
Year of Release: 2007
Points scored: 4.47
Again Aamir Khan makes an appearance.. But this film clearly belonged to Darsheel Safary.. The kid clearly needs braces, but can act.. I mean think bout sharing screen time with Aamir.. it gotta be tough yaar..
It made the girls go aawww.. It made the mummies cry.. Hard hearted men, who spent half their lives duping people hurried to the loo to cry there where no one saw them.. And yeah there were a few emotionally dyslexic ones who couldnt get what the big deal bout being dyslexic was!! Abhishek Bacchan was dyslexic.. and he turned out fine..er.. well.. almost.. Cant be sure after the Drona debacle.. How come Drona didnt make it to the list? :P
#1
Dil Chahta Hai
Year of Release: 2001
Points scored: 5.29
The baap of all movies big and small.. Guess what? Aamir again!! Farhan makes a re-entry.. And even Akshaye Khanna gets to be on the list.. I mean who wud have thought that..
The success of this movie is evident from the fact that it is the only movie with an score of over 5 points!! Only 10 % of the total voters didnt have DCH on their lists.. rest all did!
Cult Classic is what is DCH! The weird thing bout Aamir is that out of all the movies he has done after 2000, only Fanna and Mangal Pandey dont feature on the list.. In his defence, he does only one movie per year.. Emran Hashmi has done more movies than Aamir has for crying out loud!!
All in all.. DCH is a movie we will watch with our kids and even they will identify with it (hopefully).
Some interesting facts:
* Sandhya, Harish and Aditi had 7 movies out of the Top 10 on their lists. Sandhya and Harish are among my closest friends! Its weird how similar they are! But the closest among them was Sandhya, around 12 points, its almost as if she knew what the list is gonna be like!!!
Update : Neeraj got 8 movies right.. so that makes him the closest to the final list.. Sorry Sandhya, move over, we have a winner!! (Counting mistake ho gaya tha.. my bad!!)
* Why hasnt Emran Hashmi made the list?
* There were around 40 movie nominations.. Such varied people had participated!
* Why hasnt Emran Hashmi made the list?
*Shweta had the least common list.. Only two of her TOP 10 matched the final Top 10
* A wednesday came in 11th (Thought it deserved a special mention)
* #12 .Sarkar
#13. Lage Raho Munnabhai
# 14. Kal ho na ho
12, 13, and 14 had the same scores (1.47) the ranks were then finally decided based on the number of lists they had found mention on.. sarkar was on 7 lists, lage raho on 5 and kal ho na ho on 4 (Kal ho na ho? sersly? I have too many girls voting :P)
* Why hasnt Emran Hashmi made the list?
Special Thanks :
* To Shruti for reminding me that today is the day that I had to post the Top 10 list. Its 3 am in the morning as I write this..
* To Purnima for that amazingly long and interesting mail explaining why particular movies were on your list and why a few others werent..
* To Everyone who took their time out to vote..
* To Emran Hashmi for..er.. well... you just make us laugh man!!! Dil royee ya Illahi.. tu aaja mere maahi...
The BIG DADDY of all polls.. from Aaj tak to IBN 7, this poll beats them all.. er.. kuch jyada toh nahi ho gaya?
But seriously.. after entering the data for your favourite movies, finding the average and then ranking them, I have come up with the TOP 10 hindi movies of this Millennium..
The people who participated in the poll range come from differnt walks of life.. from catwalk to rampwalk, from slumdog to millionaire, from Hrithik Roshan to Harman Baweja..er.. I hope you get the point.
The people who voted for their favourite movies includes Engineers, Phds, dentist, a few MBA blokes, and a few other essesntially jobless people like me (yeah, I have voted too!)
The Methodology (Transparency mangta hai!)
Before we start the listing, lemme tell you how I did it! (no rocket science this!) I took in all your entries and gave them points according to their Ranks.. For eg -
1. XXX (no, not tht kinda movie, this is just an eg)
2. YYY
.
.
10. ZZZ
I gave 1 point to the movie ZZZ, YYY got 9 points, while XXX got 10 points... In the end all the points were added and divided by the number of entries to get the average score.. (Did I bore you guys? Well, I got 98.37 in CAT, wht did u expect? :P) Obviously the max score by any movie will not be more than 10 (considering the same movie tops every list)
So here goes the list.. In countdown fashion...
#10
Rock On!
Year of Release: 2008
Points scored: 2.17
Rock on!!!! Hai yeh waqt ka ishaaara... I havent seen this movie, but the very fact that it has managed to notch the #10 spot just on the dum-khum of its theatre performances alone(I dont think it has been released in a big way on TV) says a lot about the calibre of this movie..
I was pestered a lot by my female friends to watch this movie, but then I argued that it was fun for them to watch a bunch of topless guys jump into the lake and stuff.. All us guys were left with was Prachi Desai (who is she anyway?). But still, its commendable that Rock On has is on the list, even though movies like Jaane Tu.. havent even found a place on the Top 15..
Rock on! Farhan Akhtar makes an appearance on this countdown, definitely not for the last time...
#9
Black
Year of Release: 2005
Points scored: 2.35
Beating Rock On by a very small margin is the artsy movie - B-L-A-C-K.. Power packed performances by Amitabh Bacchan and Rani Mukherjee made this movie appear on the #9 spot.. Sanjay Leela Bhansali went one step ahead of his Khamoshi (Salman khan, Manisha Koirala) stunt and made the female lead- blind, deaf and mute.. It gave enough scope to Rani to showcase her talent..
Back in 1998 when KKHH was released, if anyone said that the girl in the short yellow skirt will do a role like that, I would have thrown my caramel popcorn(what? guys cant like caramel?) at his Goddamn face...
All in all, good movie, and gives a chance to AB to make an appearance..
#8
Hera Pheri
Year of Release: 2000
Points scored: 2.47
Know whats a classic? This is!! Hera Pheri is to school going kids today what Andaz Apna Apna was for our generation.. (Shit that makes me sound old! )
Hera Pheri is truly a classic.. You can watch it again and again and again.. never gets old.. It was a breakthrough movie for all the actors.. Paresh Rawal wouldnt be charging more than what Bobby Deol charges for two movies had it not been for his Baburao Ganpatrao Apte role.. "Uthalele re baba.. aare mujhe nahi, enn dono ko!" he haw haw.. rotfl
It made Akshay Kumar what he is today.. Had it not been for this movie he still wud have been doing his "Churake dil teraaa.. goriya chali..." routine.. after the song there wud be a fight where akki wud show his Bankok-trained-martial-arts-kicks.. After that a rone dhone wala scene then again a song.. and so on and so forth..
This movie made Suniel Shetty what he is today..er.. to be honest, hes the only one who hasnt benefited much from this movie.. but for his acting skills hes still God damn famous..
All in all, for me, one of Indias funniest movies..
#7
Lagaan
Year of Release: 2001
Points scored: 2.76
It hurts.. It hurts to see a movie of such calibre come up so low down the order..
It hurt when it didnt win the Oscars.. If Slumdog millionaire (more on it later) wins an Oscar for best movie, I will sue the firangi judges.. If Slumdog wins an Oscar for best music for Rahman, I say he should get atleast 5 more Oscars for his past work..
Bhuvans team beat the Firangs in an impossible match, but the firangis took revenge and beat them at the end.. (I am mad at them.. that is why I make no sense).
Aamir Khan, Rehman, Ashutosh Gowariker.. all of them make the first appearance on the countdown..
Lagaan... Goosebumps! Whatta movie..!
#6
Swades
Year of Release: 2004
Points scored: 3.06
Surprise! Surprise! And a pleasant one! It was Ashutosh's very next movie after Lagaan and all of us had high hopes.. I guess we were expecting a cricket match at the end of this one too.. Girls didnt wanna see SRK looking like a geek.. Thats the problem with the actor.. Hes always SRK.. that has never been Aamir's problem.. When hes Bhuvan, hes Bhuvan.. But with SRK thrs always that persona that makes him SRK - the star.. that cant be too good for an actor, never is!
Swades is by far the weakest box office performer on this top 10, but the fact that people like it this much to place it on #6 speaks volumes bout this movie..
Btw, there is this scene in the movie where SRK is travelling in the train back to Kaveri umma's place, the train halts at a station.. A kid with a really heavy pot of water is pacing up and down the platform.. Hes selling water at 50 paise per glass, SRK being the NRI drinks bottled water.. but for that kid he makes and exception.. That is pretty much the scene where he becomes truly Indian.. I started respecting Srk the actor after that..
#5
Jab we met
Year of Release: 2007
Points scored: 3.17
Are you kidding me? Comeon now? This is a good movie, but at #5? really?
There is this thing actors have.. When they are involved off screen, the chemistry dies on-screen.. thats what happened with Shahid-Kareena all this while..
Once they broke up, they gave us Jab we met! Its a cute movie, really is, but #5, really?
Chalo aacha hua, issi bahane Shahid and Kareena made an appearance on the Top 10..
#4
Rang De Basanti
Year of Release: 2006
Points scored: 3.35
Ting Ting Tinga Ting.. basanti... Rahman again! Aamir again! Very different from the movies you normally get to see.. I still dont know what I feel for this movie.. I mean I dunno if I support what the movie protrays or not.. But one thingI know for sure, it captured the imagination of the youth...
I distinctly remember to-be doctors took to the streets when reservations were introduced for medicine seats.. I remember how they took the blows the police dealt them.. And when those photos came out in the papers next day, one could see the bravery that these 20 something doctors showed for their rights.. RDB in that sense is a classic..
#3
Chak De India
Year of Release: 2007
Points scored: 4.29
The BIG 3... The reason why I call the top 3 - BIG, is coz of the difference in the scores. Look at #4 and #3.. The difference in the scores is almost 1 point.. That shows these 3 movies are a class apart.. They are on the list of almost everyone who polled..
Chak De! Very similar to the Hollywood movie miracle.. But it had a surreal feel to it.. Among India's best underdog movies.. It made celebrities of the 11 girls who played the roles of hockey players.. SRK with all his newly built muscle-chusle played the coach who was once the captain of the Indian Hockey team..
It had everything to keep us interested..
#2
Taare Zameen Par
Year of Release: 2007
Points scored: 4.47
Again Aamir Khan makes an appearance.. But this film clearly belonged to Darsheel Safary.. The kid clearly needs braces, but can act.. I mean think bout sharing screen time with Aamir.. it gotta be tough yaar..
It made the girls go aawww.. It made the mummies cry.. Hard hearted men, who spent half their lives duping people hurried to the loo to cry there where no one saw them.. And yeah there were a few emotionally dyslexic ones who couldnt get what the big deal bout being dyslexic was!! Abhishek Bacchan was dyslexic.. and he turned out fine..er.. well.. almost.. Cant be sure after the Drona debacle.. How come Drona didnt make it to the list? :P
#1
Dil Chahta Hai
Year of Release: 2001
Points scored: 5.29
The baap of all movies big and small.. Guess what? Aamir again!! Farhan makes a re-entry.. And even Akshaye Khanna gets to be on the list.. I mean who wud have thought that..
The success of this movie is evident from the fact that it is the only movie with an score of over 5 points!! Only 10 % of the total voters didnt have DCH on their lists.. rest all did!
Cult Classic is what is DCH! The weird thing bout Aamir is that out of all the movies he has done after 2000, only Fanna and Mangal Pandey dont feature on the list.. In his defence, he does only one movie per year.. Emran Hashmi has done more movies than Aamir has for crying out loud!!
All in all.. DCH is a movie we will watch with our kids and even they will identify with it (hopefully).
Some interesting facts:
* Sandhya, Harish and Aditi had 7 movies out of the Top 10 on their lists. Sandhya and Harish are among my closest friends! Its weird how similar they are! But the closest among them was Sandhya, around 12 points, its almost as if she knew what the list is gonna be like!!!
Update : Neeraj got 8 movies right.. so that makes him the closest to the final list.. Sorry Sandhya, move over, we have a winner!! (Counting mistake ho gaya tha.. my bad!!)
* Why hasnt Emran Hashmi made the list?
* There were around 40 movie nominations.. Such varied people had participated!
* Why hasnt Emran Hashmi made the list?
*Shweta had the least common list.. Only two of her TOP 10 matched the final Top 10
* A wednesday came in 11th (Thought it deserved a special mention)
* #12 .Sarkar
#13. Lage Raho Munnabhai
# 14. Kal ho na ho
12, 13, and 14 had the same scores (1.47) the ranks were then finally decided based on the number of lists they had found mention on.. sarkar was on 7 lists, lage raho on 5 and kal ho na ho on 4 (Kal ho na ho? sersly? I have too many girls voting :P)
* Why hasnt Emran Hashmi made the list?
Special Thanks :
* To Shruti for reminding me that today is the day that I had to post the Top 10 list. Its 3 am in the morning as I write this..
* To Purnima for that amazingly long and interesting mail explaining why particular movies were on your list and why a few others werent..
* To Everyone who took their time out to vote..
* To Emran Hashmi for..er.. well... you just make us laugh man!!! Dil royee ya Illahi.. tu aaja mere maahi...
Silver in my teeth : One hour at the Dentist
I have been a little busy over the last few days.. not that you miss me not blogging or anything, but just felt you would like to know.. Did I hear you asking why am I busy? (Well, dont answer, I am on the other side of the screen and I cant hear you.. bwahaha..er.. sorry)
So, I got my tooth cavity filled.. I have been blessed with a good set of teeth, I have never had any problems so never had to visit a dentist ever.. Most of my friends have spent a small fortune at the dentist after spending half a fortune on Cadbury.. I have had these guys telling me their experiences at the dentist, so I thought now that I have an experience why not share it..
Yeah yeah.. I know.. Getting your cavity filled is nothing to blog about, but if you have been playing attention, my blog title is of gibberish.. So now that I have set really low stds for myself, I can blog about any crap that comes to my mind.. So here goes..
The place was huge and really clean.. I sat at the reception along with the other er.."patients"
"Mr. Athalye? You are in next..", said the receptionist.
I love being called Mr. Athalye.. Its so, u know, grownup..
I entered the cabin.
The dentist was a lady in her mid twenties, she had a mask on her mouth, but had really pretty brown eyes and long hair.. Something told me she was probably Gujrati.. (I have a gujju fetish)
"Umm.. Athalye.. Chaitanya Athalye, right?"
Man! this was like James Bond..
"Yeah.. 007"
"What? is that your phone number..? Pls fill it in here..", she said, handing me the patient card..
No sense of humour these doctors have I tell you.. (I was to be proved wrong)
I filled up all the details and then sat on the Dentist's chair, which is pretty much like a barbers chair, only at an more obtuse angle....
"Heylo doctor", I said as I lay down on the chair
"Hello", she said
"I am kinda nervous.. I have never been to a dentist before.. Its my first filling"
"Oh.. Dont worry.. Its my first too"
(startled)"huh?"
"joke tha baba"
"phew"
"I have done atleast 3 fillings before this"
(startled)"huh?"
"hee hee.. I meant today"
This was gonna be one long session..
What kinda filling would you like?
Umm.. Chocolate? bwhahahahah
No no.. I meant, silver or tooth coloured filling?
Hmm.. silver.. I mean, atleast I can sell it in times of need.. bwahahaha..
umm.. satish, bring the drill.. the BIG one..
She didnt like the joke it seemed..
Satish was her assistant, he seemed more than happy to get her the big drill.. He had that look on his face.. You know, the kinda look that says somebody-gonna-hurt-real-bad-tonight.
The engineer in me noticed that there was a hermetically sealed compressor in the corner of the room. The engineer in me awakened (I would have liked had it awakened when I was giving my sem 7 exams)-
Hey! Thats a hermetically sealed compressor!
Hermi.. what?
Umm.. never mind.. What would you doctors do without us engineers!
She looked at me...Her eyes didnt look pretty to me anymore.. The big drill in her hand was making grrring noises..
We will see..Now this is gonna hurt.. Dont scream..
Oh, dont worry.. We men dont scream.. we fight.. we hunt.. but we dont scream..ow ow ow..
With that it started.. The drill drilling into my tooth.. I learnt a new thing bout the human mouth that day,- If someone drills into your tooth, it will hurt!....
One more thing I learnt - If someone puts their hand inside your mouth and you dont get to close your mouth for a long time, a lotta saliva collects in your mouth..
The dentist had a female assistant whose job was to place a pipe in my mouth which wud suck out the saliva, but she wasnt doing her job properly, some of my saliva drooled onto my shirt.. I dont think her heart was in that job.. But in her defense, who would find sucking saliva outta a guys mouth interesting?!
With a good amount of drool making my shirt wet, which btw doesnt happen too often.. It kinda happens only when I look at Salma Hayek, or when I am waiting for food to be served at a restaurant (Is that why girls dont come out with me the second time? :P) Anyways, the point is that my shirt was getting wet, and I dont like me gettin wet in public (or in private.. bathing is such a pain)
The dentist, however, was enjoying every moment of it..
"Satish, miracle mix and Zinc phosphate banana.."
Satish enthusiastically started mixing stuff that came outta weird looking bottles..
"Open wider....God.. this is the biggest cavity I have ever seen.....biggest cavity I have ever seen"
"Why did you say that twice? I am nervous already.."
"Oh.. I just said it once, the second time it was the echo! hahahaha"
hahahah.. Satish and the female assistant joined in..
"Yeah yeah.. very funny.."
Once the miracle mix was placed in the cavity, the job was done.. All I needed now is to get outta here...
Hmm, so Chaitanya, how do you like your filling?
umm.. I like it..
Good.. so if you have any other problems you can call me, my name and number is on the bill..
Yeah.. And you can call me too, my number is on the patient card..
Err.. Yeah.. right..
Wow.. this bill is kinda steep.. Dont I get a funny guy or a cute guy discount..
The dentist, satish and the female assistant gathered in a huddle to discuss my discount..
I heard satish saying - he was funny alright..
not that much - the assitant added
But that chocolate filling thing was hilarious..
yeah.. tht was good..
so what say? shud we reduce 150 rs?
150? u think he was that worth it?
okay then 100?
umm..okay
The dentist left the huddle- Chaitanya you ll be getting a 100 rupee discount..
Yeey!
I paid the bill.. I was happy on receiving my cute guy discount.. I know.. I know.. But its my blog, and I can say whtevr I want to...
As I left the clinic, I thought bout the Dentist, and Satish and the female assistant.. Its a boring job that they do if you ask me, I mean what can be more boring than sucking saliva outta a guys mouth or drilling a hole through his teeth or mixing ZnPo4 and miracle mix, but the entusiasm with which they work makes me feel good bout them.. And if hadnt been for them, I wudnt have silver in my teeth!
P.S. - The dentists name was Dr. Mehta btw.. She was gujju afterall!
So, I got my tooth cavity filled.. I have been blessed with a good set of teeth, I have never had any problems so never had to visit a dentist ever.. Most of my friends have spent a small fortune at the dentist after spending half a fortune on Cadbury.. I have had these guys telling me their experiences at the dentist, so I thought now that I have an experience why not share it..
Yeah yeah.. I know.. Getting your cavity filled is nothing to blog about, but if you have been playing attention, my blog title is of gibberish.. So now that I have set really low stds for myself, I can blog about any crap that comes to my mind.. So here goes..
The place was huge and really clean.. I sat at the reception along with the other er.."patients"
"Mr. Athalye? You are in next..", said the receptionist.
I love being called Mr. Athalye.. Its so, u know, grownup..
I entered the cabin.
The dentist was a lady in her mid twenties, she had a mask on her mouth, but had really pretty brown eyes and long hair.. Something told me she was probably Gujrati.. (I have a gujju fetish)
"Umm.. Athalye.. Chaitanya Athalye, right?"
Man! this was like James Bond..
"Yeah.. 007"
"What? is that your phone number..? Pls fill it in here..", she said, handing me the patient card..
No sense of humour these doctors have I tell you.. (I was to be proved wrong)
I filled up all the details and then sat on the Dentist's chair, which is pretty much like a barbers chair, only at an more obtuse angle....
"Heylo doctor", I said as I lay down on the chair
"Hello", she said
"I am kinda nervous.. I have never been to a dentist before.. Its my first filling"
"Oh.. Dont worry.. Its my first too"
(startled)"huh?"
"joke tha baba"
"phew"
"I have done atleast 3 fillings before this"
(startled)"huh?"
"hee hee.. I meant today"
This was gonna be one long session..
What kinda filling would you like?
Umm.. Chocolate? bwhahahahah
No no.. I meant, silver or tooth coloured filling?
Hmm.. silver.. I mean, atleast I can sell it in times of need.. bwahahaha..
umm.. satish, bring the drill.. the BIG one..
She didnt like the joke it seemed..
Satish was her assistant, he seemed more than happy to get her the big drill.. He had that look on his face.. You know, the kinda look that says somebody-gonna-hurt-real-bad-tonight.
The engineer in me noticed that there was a hermetically sealed compressor in the corner of the room. The engineer in me awakened (I would have liked had it awakened when I was giving my sem 7 exams)-
Hey! Thats a hermetically sealed compressor!
Hermi.. what?
Umm.. never mind.. What would you doctors do without us engineers!
She looked at me...Her eyes didnt look pretty to me anymore.. The big drill in her hand was making grrring noises..
We will see..Now this is gonna hurt.. Dont scream..
Oh, dont worry.. We men dont scream.. we fight.. we hunt.. but we dont scream..ow ow ow..
With that it started.. The drill drilling into my tooth.. I learnt a new thing bout the human mouth that day,- If someone drills into your tooth, it will hurt!....
One more thing I learnt - If someone puts their hand inside your mouth and you dont get to close your mouth for a long time, a lotta saliva collects in your mouth..
The dentist had a female assistant whose job was to place a pipe in my mouth which wud suck out the saliva, but she wasnt doing her job properly, some of my saliva drooled onto my shirt.. I dont think her heart was in that job.. But in her defense, who would find sucking saliva outta a guys mouth interesting?!
With a good amount of drool making my shirt wet, which btw doesnt happen too often.. It kinda happens only when I look at Salma Hayek, or when I am waiting for food to be served at a restaurant (Is that why girls dont come out with me the second time? :P) Anyways, the point is that my shirt was getting wet, and I dont like me gettin wet in public (or in private.. bathing is such a pain)
The dentist, however, was enjoying every moment of it..
"Satish, miracle mix and Zinc phosphate banana.."
Satish enthusiastically started mixing stuff that came outta weird looking bottles..
"Open wider....God.. this is the biggest cavity I have ever seen.....biggest cavity I have ever seen"
"Why did you say that twice? I am nervous already.."
"Oh.. I just said it once, the second time it was the echo! hahahaha"
hahahah.. Satish and the female assistant joined in..
"Yeah yeah.. very funny.."
Once the miracle mix was placed in the cavity, the job was done.. All I needed now is to get outta here...
Hmm, so Chaitanya, how do you like your filling?
umm.. I like it..
Good.. so if you have any other problems you can call me, my name and number is on the bill..
Yeah.. And you can call me too, my number is on the patient card..
Err.. Yeah.. right..
Wow.. this bill is kinda steep.. Dont I get a funny guy or a cute guy discount..
The dentist, satish and the female assistant gathered in a huddle to discuss my discount..
I heard satish saying - he was funny alright..
not that much - the assitant added
But that chocolate filling thing was hilarious..
yeah.. tht was good..
so what say? shud we reduce 150 rs?
150? u think he was that worth it?
okay then 100?
umm..okay
The dentist left the huddle- Chaitanya you ll be getting a 100 rupee discount..
Yeey!
I paid the bill.. I was happy on receiving my cute guy discount.. I know.. I know.. But its my blog, and I can say whtevr I want to...
As I left the clinic, I thought bout the Dentist, and Satish and the female assistant.. Its a boring job that they do if you ask me, I mean what can be more boring than sucking saliva outta a guys mouth or drilling a hole through his teeth or mixing ZnPo4 and miracle mix, but the entusiasm with which they work makes me feel good bout them.. And if hadnt been for them, I wudnt have silver in my teeth!
P.S. - The dentists name was Dr. Mehta btw.. She was gujju afterall!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Thackrey "Raj"
This is not a Political blog and neither does it aspire to be one.. I usually write bout things that affect my life or of those close to me in some way. If Politics turns you off, please dont read this post, but if you are remotely interested, go ahead!
"Akkra rupaye zaale", said the conductor while punching the ticket
"matlab..? hindi mein boliye na..kitne rupaye hue?", the man (most probably from UP) asked while accepting the ticket..
"marathi yet nahi kay? mag ja na parat bihar la" (Dont know marathi? Then go back to Bihar)
I was travelling with a few of my office colleagues in a state transport bus.. Everyone in the bus gave the man a dirty look, some even echoed the conductors sentiment in hindi so that it was clear to that him that he was not welcome in this part of the world! I looked at my colleagues, it seemed that they supported the conductor instead of feeling sorry for that guy... and thats what this post is all about..
I have these 2 friends who close to me, both of them are non-marathis (and NOT non-maharastrians, coz everyone whos born and brought up here is a maharashtrian). Lets call them Deejay and Sally.. Both of them did their schooling from a community school, needless to say they were protected and identified with the culture there.. When they shifted to a bigger college, they had their own problems getting used to the culture.. Deejay complained that he felt left out when even in a group everyone started talking in marathi. Sally was frustrated that even the office staff talked to everyone in marathi.. (and looked down on the people who didnt know their language)
The irony here is that she is a supporter of the Thackrey 'Raj'.. influenced by his ideology of kicking the "outsiders" back to where they came from, in this case UP or Bihar..
"But they are taxi drivers, carpenters, construction workers! How can we ask them to leave?", I reason.
"So what, I am sure we have enough people here to do those jobs"- Sally retorts..
I say - why not ask the south Indians to leave too? And the Gujratis, the Marwaris, why should they stay?
I am sure we have enough educated youth here to do the high end jobs that South Indians are involved in.. We dont want Marwaris and Gujratis coz we have enough of our Marathi businessmen to take care of all the businesses.. We dont want Punjabis in here coz we have enough marathi people who can run hotels and auto maintainance garages... All of you, go back to your respective states!!
The chances are, if you belong to one of the said communities, you would wanna scratch my eyes out...
And only I know how amazingly stupid and increasingly unconvincing I sounded when I said the those things..
Just like these communities play an important part in the functioning of the city, so do guys from the northern states.. Just like you go to a Punjabi restaurant for the best Chole bathure, you go to a bihari carpenter to get the best deal for your sofa.
But that said, it should be noted that its not acceptable to come to the city and live under a pipeline. These kinda people (and not any specific community) put a lotta pressure on the already strained city. Its these freeloaders that should be kept out of the city.
Time to resurrect the images of my friends..
Why do they hate the UP-Biharis? Its not that they have to compete against them for jobs or anything! Nor do they have to interact with them on a day to day basis.. so what makes them mad?
Its the freeloaders!! Its the people who think its okay for 7 guys to live in a 10X10 feet shanty in Dharavi..But Dharavi or for that matter any slum town in Mumbai and not Bombay has a quite a mix.. There are Gujratis and Punjabis, Christians and Muslims, Marathis and South Indians.. So why are Deejay and Sally mad at the northerners only? - Well, thats coz Raj wants them to! We do what we are told to.. More so when we are frustrated and want change bad. I dont blame them.. Crowded trains, bad roads, encroached footpaths do that to people... seeing their tax money not being utilised properly, their money used to provide electricity and water to the slums.. it sucks! Its similar to the sentiment people in the US show towards people who live off social security..
Now to the big question- Why is Raj mad at the northerners only?!
Well, a quick scan through Shiv Sena's history shows that through different time frames they have been mad at different people.. First it were the Gujratis (because they controlled most businesses and not the "sons of the soil"), then in the 80s the South Indians (coz they got the best jobs and not the "sons of the soil" ) and now for the last two decades, its been northerners..
The reason why most people dont know bout the 70s and the 80s is coz the "tigers" back then were "cubs" whom the congress bred to keep the marathi vote from going to the communist CPI. But then the cubs grew to be tigers and joined the saffron bandwagon to beat congress at its own game. Once in power in the 90s, the sena guys have added "value" by renaming every 3rd street to Chatrapatti Shivaji Maharaj and city has been rechristened Mumbai(which I support, btw)
Raj, who must have been in his late teens back in the early 90s, saw how his uncle worked up his charm. And now, his time has come to do what the Thackreys do best - implement the "us against them" doctrine. Then it doesnt matter who "them" is.. Afterall, this is tried and tested formula that has worked for ages.. Hitler used the same tactics... In that case, "them" were the Jews (and the rest of the world in general). Imagine less than 4 crore men ready to die for their leader and for a unbelievable dream of ruling the world! ... Some brainwash that must have been!!!
This tactic is super successful in the short term since it works for all classes who are on this side, but it does not help much in the long run... it brings a section of the society closer, at the same time, letting other sections drift away...
PS 1:- Raj is a great orator. Hes pretty charismatic. He appeals to the masses as well as the educated classes. Who knows? He might make a great leader someday.. When he does, he will unite the state, but in the bargain, end up dividing the nation..
PS2:- Deejay is still getting a hang of the language, but is comfortable with the idea of speaking the language. Sally has worked hard on the language and now, speaks excellent marathi.. The clerks at her college are proud. Her work gets done faster at all govt. offices simply coz she tries speaking the their language... Is that surprising? Nope! Its just human nature...
"Akkra rupaye zaale", said the conductor while punching the ticket
"matlab..? hindi mein boliye na..kitne rupaye hue?", the man (most probably from UP) asked while accepting the ticket..
"marathi yet nahi kay? mag ja na parat bihar la" (Dont know marathi? Then go back to Bihar)
I was travelling with a few of my office colleagues in a state transport bus.. Everyone in the bus gave the man a dirty look, some even echoed the conductors sentiment in hindi so that it was clear to that him that he was not welcome in this part of the world! I looked at my colleagues, it seemed that they supported the conductor instead of feeling sorry for that guy... and thats what this post is all about..
I have these 2 friends who close to me, both of them are non-marathis (and NOT non-maharastrians, coz everyone whos born and brought up here is a maharashtrian). Lets call them Deejay and Sally.. Both of them did their schooling from a community school, needless to say they were protected and identified with the culture there.. When they shifted to a bigger college, they had their own problems getting used to the culture.. Deejay complained that he felt left out when even in a group everyone started talking in marathi. Sally was frustrated that even the office staff talked to everyone in marathi.. (and looked down on the people who didnt know their language)
The irony here is that she is a supporter of the Thackrey 'Raj'.. influenced by his ideology of kicking the "outsiders" back to where they came from, in this case UP or Bihar..
"But they are taxi drivers, carpenters, construction workers! How can we ask them to leave?", I reason.
"So what, I am sure we have enough people here to do those jobs"- Sally retorts..
I say - why not ask the south Indians to leave too? And the Gujratis, the Marwaris, why should they stay?
I am sure we have enough educated youth here to do the high end jobs that South Indians are involved in.. We dont want Marwaris and Gujratis coz we have enough of our Marathi businessmen to take care of all the businesses.. We dont want Punjabis in here coz we have enough marathi people who can run hotels and auto maintainance garages... All of you, go back to your respective states!!
The chances are, if you belong to one of the said communities, you would wanna scratch my eyes out...
And only I know how amazingly stupid and increasingly unconvincing I sounded when I said the those things..
Just like these communities play an important part in the functioning of the city, so do guys from the northern states.. Just like you go to a Punjabi restaurant for the best Chole bathure, you go to a bihari carpenter to get the best deal for your sofa.
But that said, it should be noted that its not acceptable to come to the city and live under a pipeline. These kinda people (and not any specific community) put a lotta pressure on the already strained city. Its these freeloaders that should be kept out of the city.
Time to resurrect the images of my friends..
Why do they hate the UP-Biharis? Its not that they have to compete against them for jobs or anything! Nor do they have to interact with them on a day to day basis.. so what makes them mad?
Its the freeloaders!! Its the people who think its okay for 7 guys to live in a 10X10 feet shanty in Dharavi..But Dharavi or for that matter any slum town in Mumbai and not Bombay has a quite a mix.. There are Gujratis and Punjabis, Christians and Muslims, Marathis and South Indians.. So why are Deejay and Sally mad at the northerners only? - Well, thats coz Raj wants them to! We do what we are told to.. More so when we are frustrated and want change bad. I dont blame them.. Crowded trains, bad roads, encroached footpaths do that to people... seeing their tax money not being utilised properly, their money used to provide electricity and water to the slums.. it sucks! Its similar to the sentiment people in the US show towards people who live off social security..
Now to the big question- Why is Raj mad at the northerners only?!
Well, a quick scan through Shiv Sena's history shows that through different time frames they have been mad at different people.. First it were the Gujratis (because they controlled most businesses and not the "sons of the soil"), then in the 80s the South Indians (coz they got the best jobs and not the "sons of the soil" ) and now for the last two decades, its been northerners..
The reason why most people dont know bout the 70s and the 80s is coz the "tigers" back then were "cubs" whom the congress bred to keep the marathi vote from going to the communist CPI. But then the cubs grew to be tigers and joined the saffron bandwagon to beat congress at its own game. Once in power in the 90s, the sena guys have added "value" by renaming every 3rd street to Chatrapatti Shivaji Maharaj and city has been rechristened Mumbai(which I support, btw)
Raj, who must have been in his late teens back in the early 90s, saw how his uncle worked up his charm. And now, his time has come to do what the Thackreys do best - implement the "us against them" doctrine. Then it doesnt matter who "them" is.. Afterall, this is tried and tested formula that has worked for ages.. Hitler used the same tactics... In that case, "them" were the Jews (and the rest of the world in general). Imagine less than 4 crore men ready to die for their leader and for a unbelievable dream of ruling the world! ... Some brainwash that must have been!!!
This tactic is super successful in the short term since it works for all classes who are on this side, but it does not help much in the long run... it brings a section of the society closer, at the same time, letting other sections drift away...
PS 1:- Raj is a great orator. Hes pretty charismatic. He appeals to the masses as well as the educated classes. Who knows? He might make a great leader someday.. When he does, he will unite the state, but in the bargain, end up dividing the nation..
PS2:- Deejay is still getting a hang of the language, but is comfortable with the idea of speaking the language. Sally has worked hard on the language and now, speaks excellent marathi.. The clerks at her college are proud. Her work gets done faster at all govt. offices simply coz she tries speaking the their language... Is that surprising? Nope! Its just human nature...
The shiny watch
Short Story (The story isnt that short, but is worth a read..)
Diwali always reminds me of this incident..
------------------------------------------
The good thing bout 6th grade is that studies are free of any distractions..You are not yet into girls or if u are a geek like me, you are not much into sports either... You only have to concentrate all your energies towards scoring well.. And thankfully even the people around you are pretty much intrested in that.. Except a few ofcourse..
Narayan Gaikwad.. The most notorious of all 6th graders this part of the world has seen..
He was the most known face of the 6th grade.. Every teacher, every peon knew him..
The most disliked guy in all 4 divisions of 6th std.
He was mischievious, a true prankster. He was the big daddy of all naughty kids, he had earned the title from proving himself time and again - Like the time he burst crackers in the toilet.. No big deal actually a lotta mischievious kids do that, but in this case the teacher was in the toilet!! Heh heh.. ahem..
I hear he was suspended from the school for 2 weeks (Narayan, not the teacher).. And the teacher didnt enter the school toilet for 2 months..
Narayan was short, and had a hefty build.. He could easily pass off as a 15 yr old.. He never combed his hair, the last time he did was back in 1992. He had a dark complexion, not a natural one - but the one that comes from years of playing cricket in the afternoon Sun.
Narayan kinda held the record for the most punishments endured every season... Only once
during the 5th grade did Karan Mehta (the second most notorious kid this part of the world had seen) came close..
15 kneel-downs to 14 kneeldowns..
But by the end of the semester however, Narayan had a comfortable 27-22 lead..
So all in all, Narayan was the kid your parents warned bout..!
------------------------------------------
Our class teacher that year was Miss Daisy... she was just out of her B.Ed college, and was full of bright new ideas on how to make the system better for "weaker" students. One idea was to make them share the bench with a smarter, brighter, hard working students.
I dont know if I was smart, bright, hard working but I was among the decent scorers of the class. This decency made Narayan Gaikwad my bench-mate!
Guys like me dont gel well with Narayan types. Narayan was mischeivious, shabby and poor.. Karan Mehta atleast had the latest video games which he did let us play with.. His dad was Harshad Mehta's distant cousin we heard. Narayan's dad on the other hand was into security business, an euphemism for the word - watchman..
During lectures, Narayan, now my benchmate, would crack jokes which would frustate me, I was here to learn, what did this dumbo know.. Maybe he will end up like his father.. But I dont wanna spend the rest of my life saluting people as they entered the building..
I asked Miss Daisy to change my partner, but she was adamant.. She had, based on our report cards, classified us into two groups and made the weaker kids sit with the better ones and according to her, it was working!! Sadly for me, it wasnt!
------------------------------------------
It had been 4 months of being bench mates with Narayan and though we werent like the best friends, we had started to get along a bit.
My least favourite period in the 6th grade was the PT (Physical Training) period
We used to play cricket in that period. Since there were more than 22 boys in the class, the two teams had to be picked.... I never got picked in the team. I used to hate PT.
Narayan used to love PT.. Infact, that was the only period he liked.. He was the cricket captain simply, coz, well, he was the best cricketer our school had known. .
The selection procedure was the worst part, Karan and Narayan were always the captains. (The best players got to be captains by default) They selected the team. A group of guys always surrounded them, just so as to get picked first. I stood outside the group coz I knew they wont pick me.
Narayan won the toss. "I take him." (pointing at me). Karan eyes grew as big as saucers and so did everyone elses! Was he nuts?! I suck at this game! He picked me!
I think that did it.. I started liking him after that, not wholly though. I still had my reservations.. He never brought any tiffin, he used to utilise those 20 mins of lunch break to play cricket! I offered him my lunch, he offered me to play with him, neither of us accepted others offer..
Narayan was the youngest of 4 siblings and lived in a chawl.. He told me that himself. Diwali was the only time he got gifts. Like last Diwali his dad had gifted him a Season ball.. But he never played with it, coz none of the guys in the chawl had a season bat. The year before that, his dad's friend got him new a digital watch from Dubai.. it wasnt exactly new, he had used it for 1 year before "gifting" it. I looked at that watch. The dial shone against his dark, sunburnt forearms.
------------------------------------------
The term was ending in a week, and diwali vacations were about to begin.
"Bought any firecrackers for Diwali?", I asked.
"Not yet, but I love bursting crackers, the big ones bey.. not the Taj Mahal kinds. I burst one in my chawl everyday of Diwali at 4 in the morning! Its so much fun.. he haw haw.."
"Heh heh.. Good." (This guys such a chatterbox, and such a pain to the neighbours I thought)
"Yeah.. I buy 5 sutli bombs, big ones.. cobra brand!"
"5? But they always came in boxes of 10.."
"Yeah.. they sell it loose"
"What other crackers do you buy?"
"Uh.. thats all.."
Thats all? 5 sutli bombs? I felt bad I had asked the last question... I think it didnt strike me that some kids celebrate Diwali only with so many crackers...
And all of a sudden it all seemed justified.. The pranks, bursting crackers in toilets and in the chawl at 4 am... The youngest in the family, always left wanting for attention. All he wanted is to have the maximum fun out of the limited resources he had...
Any 12 year old kid who gets only 5 crackers to burst in Diwali has every right to blow them up when he wants to.. 4 am, 5am, 6 am.. He has every right to blow them up in their face.. And no one should say anything bout it..
Narayan looked at my face.. I tried hard not to let the disappointment show.. but it did..
To get rid of the embarrasment (mine, not his) he said..
"Oh.. Oh.. But I am gonna buy sumthing else too.."
Saying this, he removed a piece of paper cutting from his bag. It was an advertisement for an Omega.
"You are buying an Omega watch?"
It costed Rs.3000, a lotta money in those days.
"Nahi baba.. The band.. watchband.. Duplicate.. But looks original. I ll show you, its available in the shop across the street."
Again, I felt silly I had asked the last question..
I looked at his watchband, the digital watch his uncle got from Dubai, the tin coating had chipped off in several places, rust showed where there was once glossy metal coat..
------------------------------------------
That evening he took me to that 4X4 shop. The shopkeeper reluctantly took out the watch band, implying that Narayan had been here many times to ask boutt he band.
"Rs. 30.. mangta hai kya? Baar baar idhar nahi aaneka"
We left sheepishly.. I meant I did.. To Narayan, the shopkeepers attitude didnt make any difference. He was too absorbed in thoughts of how the shiny metal wud look on his wrist..
It was the last day of school before the vacations began. The spirits were high.. Half of the teachers had taken the day off so that their vacations could begin early..
We had bout 5-6 periods free..
In the second last period, Karan and Narayan began to have a chalk fight. These guys collected chalk pieces from the staffroom so that they can have their very own World War III. Our bench was in the 3rd row from the door while Karan's bench was the 1st bench on the 1st row from the door. In other words it was right next to the door.
Karans "missile" hit me, and I got involved in this fiesta..
Narayan-Chaitanya v/s Karan Mehta..
Chalks flying everywhere. I got better with every throw. One hit Karan on his head, the second in his belly and the third,.. into Karta Miss' eye!
Karta Miss was our Vice-Principal, it seems our class was making a lotta noise and she had come just to check on us. And just as she was coming in, my chalk missile was into the trajectory and it had hit her in the right eye...
She was the most feared women in our school, or for that matter, in the world.. She was a cross between a bull and a wolf (or so the legend goes). She looked like a bull and wolf part, i ll tell you later... The chalk that I had hurled had hit her right eye. It gave the word - bullseye a whole new meaning.. Her eyes turned red, but then I couldnt make out if it was coz of the chalk-missile, coz they were always red!
The class stunned into silence.. Narayan still had a chalk in his hand, the last one in my hand had already found its target.
"YOU! COME HERE!", she screamed pointing towards Narayan with one hand and holding her right eye with the other...
Narayan got out of his seat and started to walk towards her..
Now the wolf part - She had claws like wolves do, with which she used to pinch the ears of her victims..
She grabbed him by his right ear and started dragging him out of the class..
"But Miss..", I said
"You stay OUT of THIS", she screamed..
She thought it must have been Narayan.. But Narayan knew it was my chalk that hit her. Karan knew that too and so did the whole class.. Narayan was a pro in chalk fight, its me whose aim could be this bad. But Narayan didnt say a word..
Narayan was made to wait in her office even after the school left. I waited for him outside the school gates.
That October night, I waited for him outside the school gates. It was only 6 o clock but winter had set in, and it seemed like it was 7 in the evening. I waited for him there for almost an hour after which he came out of the gates.
His right ear still had shades or red and a few weird shades of purple. He was made to kneeldown for 2 hours outside her cabin, his wobly walk testimony to that.. He had been hit with a wooden scale on his shin.. But he didnt utter a word bout me..
Maybe he thought what would it do to my reputation among the teachers or what Miss Daisy would think bout me - a decent, bright, hard working boy.. hitting the vice-principal in the eye.. or maybe he just did it coz he saw me as his friend...
Thats what friends do, stand up for each other.. They are brothers in arms, so what if they belong to different backgrounds and have different grades on their report cards, each one of them, in their own way, completes the other..
That Diwali, I bought him that shiny watch band from the same shop across the street from the 30 rupees I had saved for myself...
I thought, a guy who would do that for a friend..., deserves.... a shiny watch....
Diwali always reminds me of this incident..
------------------------------------------
The good thing bout 6th grade is that studies are free of any distractions..You are not yet into girls or if u are a geek like me, you are not much into sports either... You only have to concentrate all your energies towards scoring well.. And thankfully even the people around you are pretty much intrested in that.. Except a few ofcourse..
Narayan Gaikwad.. The most notorious of all 6th graders this part of the world has seen..
He was the most known face of the 6th grade.. Every teacher, every peon knew him..
The most disliked guy in all 4 divisions of 6th std.
He was mischievious, a true prankster. He was the big daddy of all naughty kids, he had earned the title from proving himself time and again - Like the time he burst crackers in the toilet.. No big deal actually a lotta mischievious kids do that, but in this case the teacher was in the toilet!! Heh heh.. ahem..
I hear he was suspended from the school for 2 weeks (Narayan, not the teacher).. And the teacher didnt enter the school toilet for 2 months..
Narayan was short, and had a hefty build.. He could easily pass off as a 15 yr old.. He never combed his hair, the last time he did was back in 1992. He had a dark complexion, not a natural one - but the one that comes from years of playing cricket in the afternoon Sun.
Narayan kinda held the record for the most punishments endured every season... Only once
during the 5th grade did Karan Mehta (the second most notorious kid this part of the world had seen) came close..
15 kneel-downs to 14 kneeldowns..
But by the end of the semester however, Narayan had a comfortable 27-22 lead..
So all in all, Narayan was the kid your parents warned bout..!
------------------------------------------
Our class teacher that year was Miss Daisy... she was just out of her B.Ed college, and was full of bright new ideas on how to make the system better for "weaker" students. One idea was to make them share the bench with a smarter, brighter, hard working students.
I dont know if I was smart, bright, hard working but I was among the decent scorers of the class. This decency made Narayan Gaikwad my bench-mate!
Guys like me dont gel well with Narayan types. Narayan was mischeivious, shabby and poor.. Karan Mehta atleast had the latest video games which he did let us play with.. His dad was Harshad Mehta's distant cousin we heard. Narayan's dad on the other hand was into security business, an euphemism for the word - watchman..
During lectures, Narayan, now my benchmate, would crack jokes which would frustate me, I was here to learn, what did this dumbo know.. Maybe he will end up like his father.. But I dont wanna spend the rest of my life saluting people as they entered the building..
I asked Miss Daisy to change my partner, but she was adamant.. She had, based on our report cards, classified us into two groups and made the weaker kids sit with the better ones and according to her, it was working!! Sadly for me, it wasnt!
------------------------------------------
It had been 4 months of being bench mates with Narayan and though we werent like the best friends, we had started to get along a bit.
My least favourite period in the 6th grade was the PT (Physical Training) period
We used to play cricket in that period. Since there were more than 22 boys in the class, the two teams had to be picked.... I never got picked in the team. I used to hate PT.
Narayan used to love PT.. Infact, that was the only period he liked.. He was the cricket captain simply, coz, well, he was the best cricketer our school had known. .
The selection procedure was the worst part, Karan and Narayan were always the captains. (The best players got to be captains by default) They selected the team. A group of guys always surrounded them, just so as to get picked first. I stood outside the group coz I knew they wont pick me.
Narayan won the toss. "I take him." (pointing at me). Karan eyes grew as big as saucers and so did everyone elses! Was he nuts?! I suck at this game! He picked me!
I think that did it.. I started liking him after that, not wholly though. I still had my reservations.. He never brought any tiffin, he used to utilise those 20 mins of lunch break to play cricket! I offered him my lunch, he offered me to play with him, neither of us accepted others offer..
Narayan was the youngest of 4 siblings and lived in a chawl.. He told me that himself. Diwali was the only time he got gifts. Like last Diwali his dad had gifted him a Season ball.. But he never played with it, coz none of the guys in the chawl had a season bat. The year before that, his dad's friend got him new a digital watch from Dubai.. it wasnt exactly new, he had used it for 1 year before "gifting" it. I looked at that watch. The dial shone against his dark, sunburnt forearms.
------------------------------------------
The term was ending in a week, and diwali vacations were about to begin.
"Bought any firecrackers for Diwali?", I asked.
"Not yet, but I love bursting crackers, the big ones bey.. not the Taj Mahal kinds. I burst one in my chawl everyday of Diwali at 4 in the morning! Its so much fun.. he haw haw.."
"Heh heh.. Good." (This guys such a chatterbox, and such a pain to the neighbours I thought)
"Yeah.. I buy 5 sutli bombs, big ones.. cobra brand!"
"5? But they always came in boxes of 10.."
"Yeah.. they sell it loose"
"What other crackers do you buy?"
"Uh.. thats all.."
Thats all? 5 sutli bombs? I felt bad I had asked the last question... I think it didnt strike me that some kids celebrate Diwali only with so many crackers...
And all of a sudden it all seemed justified.. The pranks, bursting crackers in toilets and in the chawl at 4 am... The youngest in the family, always left wanting for attention. All he wanted is to have the maximum fun out of the limited resources he had...
Any 12 year old kid who gets only 5 crackers to burst in Diwali has every right to blow them up when he wants to.. 4 am, 5am, 6 am.. He has every right to blow them up in their face.. And no one should say anything bout it..
Narayan looked at my face.. I tried hard not to let the disappointment show.. but it did..
To get rid of the embarrasment (mine, not his) he said..
"Oh.. Oh.. But I am gonna buy sumthing else too.."
Saying this, he removed a piece of paper cutting from his bag. It was an advertisement for an Omega.
"You are buying an Omega watch?"
It costed Rs.3000, a lotta money in those days.
"Nahi baba.. The band.. watchband.. Duplicate.. But looks original. I ll show you, its available in the shop across the street."
Again, I felt silly I had asked the last question..
I looked at his watchband, the digital watch his uncle got from Dubai, the tin coating had chipped off in several places, rust showed where there was once glossy metal coat..
------------------------------------------
That evening he took me to that 4X4 shop. The shopkeeper reluctantly took out the watch band, implying that Narayan had been here many times to ask boutt he band.
"Rs. 30.. mangta hai kya? Baar baar idhar nahi aaneka"
We left sheepishly.. I meant I did.. To Narayan, the shopkeepers attitude didnt make any difference. He was too absorbed in thoughts of how the shiny metal wud look on his wrist..
It was the last day of school before the vacations began. The spirits were high.. Half of the teachers had taken the day off so that their vacations could begin early..
We had bout 5-6 periods free..
In the second last period, Karan and Narayan began to have a chalk fight. These guys collected chalk pieces from the staffroom so that they can have their very own World War III. Our bench was in the 3rd row from the door while Karan's bench was the 1st bench on the 1st row from the door. In other words it was right next to the door.
Karans "missile" hit me, and I got involved in this fiesta..
Narayan-Chaitanya v/s Karan Mehta..
Chalks flying everywhere. I got better with every throw. One hit Karan on his head, the second in his belly and the third,.. into Karta Miss' eye!
Karta Miss was our Vice-Principal, it seems our class was making a lotta noise and she had come just to check on us. And just as she was coming in, my chalk missile was into the trajectory and it had hit her in the right eye...
She was the most feared women in our school, or for that matter, in the world.. She was a cross between a bull and a wolf (or so the legend goes). She looked like a bull and wolf part, i ll tell you later... The chalk that I had hurled had hit her right eye. It gave the word - bullseye a whole new meaning.. Her eyes turned red, but then I couldnt make out if it was coz of the chalk-missile, coz they were always red!
The class stunned into silence.. Narayan still had a chalk in his hand, the last one in my hand had already found its target.
"YOU! COME HERE!", she screamed pointing towards Narayan with one hand and holding her right eye with the other...
Narayan got out of his seat and started to walk towards her..
Now the wolf part - She had claws like wolves do, with which she used to pinch the ears of her victims..
She grabbed him by his right ear and started dragging him out of the class..
"But Miss..", I said
"You stay OUT of THIS", she screamed..
She thought it must have been Narayan.. But Narayan knew it was my chalk that hit her. Karan knew that too and so did the whole class.. Narayan was a pro in chalk fight, its me whose aim could be this bad. But Narayan didnt say a word..
Narayan was made to wait in her office even after the school left. I waited for him outside the school gates.
That October night, I waited for him outside the school gates. It was only 6 o clock but winter had set in, and it seemed like it was 7 in the evening. I waited for him there for almost an hour after which he came out of the gates.
His right ear still had shades or red and a few weird shades of purple. He was made to kneeldown for 2 hours outside her cabin, his wobly walk testimony to that.. He had been hit with a wooden scale on his shin.. But he didnt utter a word bout me..
Maybe he thought what would it do to my reputation among the teachers or what Miss Daisy would think bout me - a decent, bright, hard working boy.. hitting the vice-principal in the eye.. or maybe he just did it coz he saw me as his friend...
Thats what friends do, stand up for each other.. They are brothers in arms, so what if they belong to different backgrounds and have different grades on their report cards, each one of them, in their own way, completes the other..
That Diwali, I bought him that shiny watch band from the same shop across the street from the 30 rupees I had saved for myself...
I thought, a guy who would do that for a friend..., deserves.... a shiny watch....
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